Friday, October 8, 2010

Never run with scissors

This post is not about running with scissors. However, it is about scissors. Now that that's clarified, I'll tell you my two true stories about things that I did involving scissors as a child.

Super Scary Scissors Story 1:
I think that I was two or three years old and this is my earliest memory ever. I was at church, and all of us kids had gone upstairs for our special children's church. I was the youngest and somehow an adult thought that it was a good idea to let a toddler try to cut paper with a pair of scissors all by herself. I was a pretty smart kid, and I had seen people use scissors before, so I knew what they did: they cut paper. In my young brain, scissors were magical devices that only cut paper and nothing else that might get in their way. Armed with this knowledge, I proceeded to cut my piece of paper. It was a normal sized piece of paper and I had little child sized hands so it was somewhat difficult to hold, but I managed to get a good grip on it finally. This is what happened.
In reality, I only cut one of my fingers, but it was bleeding immensely and the adult who let me use scissors somehow managed to look surprised by the fact that large amounts of blood were coming out of my finger. I'm not sure what was worse, the fact that I was in a ton of pain, the realization that scissors aren't magic at all and are in fact evil, or the fact that the pretty white paper I was trying to cut never got cut and instead ending up covered in my blood spatters. It was a pretty deep cut, but I got a bandaid and my mom yelled at the horrible grownup who let me use evil scissors, and today I still have all ten fingers. I even use scissors from time to time :)

Super Scary Scissors Story 2:
I was in kindergarten when this story took place. I was sitting at the kitchen table doing whatever homework I was supposed to be doing as a kindergartener, probably coloring or something. I was bored, and there was a pair of scissors on the table. Having overcome my fear of evil scissors, I picked them up and decided to cut my hair. I later realized that this was not a good idea.

I got my first big kid haircut after that. They had to cut it pretty short, and the lady didn't have any magazines with pictures of kid's hairstyles, so I got to pick a grownup hairstyle. My hair ended up kind of like this.
(That's not an actual picture of me)

Except for that it actually looked more like this.

(Also not me)

Now that I'm an adult, I can use scissors.

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