"Follow" Me?

Nobody is following me. I prefer to view this as a good thing. Do they think that they're really fooling anyone by using the word "follow" instead of "stalk"? Good job, internet people. Now I'll think of a fun game of Follow the Leader instead of some crazy person watching me sleep. I would like to have people read my blog, but I would not like to have people stalking me. Therefore, I am making myself as un-stalkable as possible. Here's how: I don't use my real name, I don't tell people where I live, I don't even link to my Facebook page. Because, newsflash, stalkers are creepy! At first, it might be kind of cute, like aww! they just love spending time with me because I'm so awesome. Then they ask for your phone number because they want to "hang out" with you sometime. Then come the neverending texts and the Facebook friend requests. Ways to tell that this person is a creepy stalker and not just adorably in love with you: One way to tell that this person is a freak and that you should get a restraining order against them is if they ever use the phrase "I want you to be the father (or mother) of my children" and they are being totally serious about it. Also, if you have access to their computer at some point and check out their most browsed pages, and their number one most browsed page is your Facebook page and or blog, you have permission to be freaked out. If they carve your name into their body, it's definitely time to run far away and get a restraining order and maybe a name change just to be safe.

This post was meant to be humorous, but stalkers really are creepy. Do your best to avoid them and don't be one yourself! So, if you still want to "Follow" my blog, I guess that's alright.