Thursday, May 23, 2013

Patience is a Virtue

And it's a virtue that I don't have.  I thought that by now I must be all better.  I must be over all of the damage and fatigue from my celiac disease.  After all, I've gained back all of the weight I lost and I have gotten my strength back.  So when my boss asked me if I could work a full day yesterday, I said sure.  And then I did.  And then I came home, took a shower, ate dinner, and went to bed.  I was exhausted.  I'm still so tired today that after lunch I'm going to take a nap.  And I want to have all of my energy back.  I don't want to wait to be able to work full days, because, big news, I might be going back to college in the Fall.  And if I do, I am going to need extra money because I will only be able to work part-time, and my rent is increasing.  (It turns out that I still get to keep my scholarship and I have enough money left of it for 9 more quarters.)  So I am scrambling to try to figure out college stuff, my Etsy shop has really been taking off, and work has gotten swamped with orders.  I want to be able to do it all, but I know from experience that when I spread myself too thin, I get sick because my body makes me take it easy if my brain doesn't allow me to.  So I am trying to learn to say no.  No I can't work full days yet.  No I can't work this weekend when I've already worked 5 days this week.  I need my weekend to try to get the energy I'll need to do a good job at work the next week.  No I don't need to constantly work on my Etsy stuff.  I'm making enough money now that it can go on the back burner without worrying about how I'll pay my rent each month.

And at the risk of sounding cheesy, I need to start saying yes to myself.  I feel a need to constantly be doing something productive, which leads to eating while blogging, while making jewelry, and wearing myself out.  Sometimes it's okay to just watch a movie, without having to do something else at the same time.

So if I don't blog quite as often, I'm probably not dead.  I'm probably just trying to give myself a bit of a break.

1 comment:

  1. Sounds to me like you definitely need to kick back, chill out and watch a movie. And know that that is definitely okay. For me, I have the opposite problem. Chronic laziness. Being a screenwriter, whenever I kick back to watch a movie instead of doing something productive I convince myself that it is "research".


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