Tuesday, July 19, 2011

An Open Letter

To the cheese I bought a few days ago,
What is wrong with you? You are so awful.  You look weird and you don't even taste good.  Why are you so shiny?  Have you been looking at jewelry and just assumed that people like shiny things?  Because cheese is not meant to be shiny.  You think you're so clever with your all-over printed wrapper hiding your real contents from view.  Quit trying to be something you're not.  I honestly am not even sure that you are really cheese.  You claim you are, but can I really trust you? You don't taste like cheese.  You don't even melt when I place you on a hamburger that's cooking in sizzling grease.  I'm pretty sure that you're so overprocessed that if I left you alone for an entire year, you would still look exactly the same.  You might claim it's an anti-aging breakthrough, but you're really just pumped so full of chemicals, you don't even know what's going on anymore.  So cheese, here's some advice, quit trying to be something you're not and just be cheese already!  Rest assured, I will not buy you again.  I'll actually spend the extra dollar it takes to get some real cheese.  Take your stuff and get out, cheese.  We're through.
With no love or kind regards or warm wishes,

P.S. I just wanted a cheeseburger, but you couldn't even make that happen!

1 comment:

  1. You claim you are, but can I really trust you? ahahaha


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