I Am Very Frustrated

In case the title wasn't clear enough for you, I am very frustrated. Specifically with my neurologist. I had an appointment with him yesterday but he was out sick, so it got rescheduled for today. That is not why I am frustrated. I totally get being sick. It happens to me a whole lot more than I'd like, which is never, but I am sick most of the time. Anyway, the reason that I am frustrated is that I'm pretty sure that I figured out what's wrong with me that's making my legs paralyzed. I think it's a rare genetic condition called periodic paralysis. I printed out massive amounts of information on it for the doctor so he could see how much it corresponds to what I have and then test me for it. It's just a simple DNA test. This would be the ideal circumstances: Doctor says something about how this sounds like it's indeed periodic paralysis, tests me, yep I was right and that's what it is, tells his findings to my university, they finally help me with class stuff like getting me a notetaker since I can't get to class. Unfortunately, none of that actually happened. What ended up happening was this: I share my findings, Doctor explains how stupid I am to believe that I am at all correct, Doctor further explains why I'm wrong and backs this up with misinformed beliefs about the disease such as that it is caused by hyperthyroidism and my whole body would be paralyzed, Nurse takes vital signs, Doctor sets up appointment to observe me and test me again when I'm paralyzed, tells Receptionist that it's NOT URGENT so I get an appointment for November 22nd (Ya, sure Doctor, my legs don't work and it's really hard for me to even dress myself, but it's definitely not urgent, just take your time! Totally sarcastic, in case you didn't catch that.), blood gets drawn even though they just assume that I know I have to go downstairs to the laboratory and I sit there waiting for about 20 minutes and then they tell me after I finally ask. So that was my day. I'm going to try to find another doctor to give me a second opinion, or a first opinion really since I don't consider you-are-stupid-and-wrong-and-I-am-all-knowing an opinion. Yep, that's it, just me being frustrated. Feel free to proceed with your life.

Life has no limits if you're not afraid to get in it

Those are some lyrics from a song, 5 internet points for you if you can name it. They are completely true. Lots of times the only thing standing between you and greatness is fear. It could be fear of failure, fear of embarassment, or fear of getting injured. I conquered one of my fears today. That was the fear of using the stairs when I'm on crutches. It's still really scary and I usually trip, but I am capable of going down or up about 10 steps. This is pretty awesome because the stairs are way quicker than wheelchair ramps and it helps me not feel quite so helpless, even though I have trouble putting my own shoes on. I guess that this whole experience has taught me how to rely on others instead of just trying to do everything myself. So this is me encouraging all of you to face a fear, even a little one. You'll feel so much better after you do.

Movies

I am getting a wheelchair today, so I'll be a legit disabled person. The only problem is I can't drive it myself so I still won't be able to get to classes. It will pretty much only be useful for getting outside when it's not raining and my awesome friends feel like pushing me around in it. But being outside is good so I'm glad.

Now to the real topic of this post. Being forced to be a recluse has given me lots of free time. In this free time, one of the things that I enjoy is watching movies. I recently discovered this awesome movie site that has a ton of movies to watch for free. You don't need an account and there are no annoying advertisements. I'm not positive that it's legal, but here's a link: Woohoo, linkage, click me please I recently got into Harry Potter. My awesome friends are big fans and want me to go see the 7th movie with them when it comes out. I hadn't seen any of the movies or read the books, but I have seen the first four movies now and they are fantastic. I'll probably watch the fifth one today. Other movies I've watched lately are "The Shining", "Shaun of the Dead" and "Scott Pilgrim vs. the World".  The Shining is a classic horror movie, and I was feeling bad about not having seen it so I watched it. It was interesting and kind of confusing. I guess that Jack Nicholson went insane which explains why he was talking to people who weren't there. Also, that kid is so creepy. I now have another good reason not to have kids: I don't want a creepy kid like that. I'm trying to avoid plot spoilers in case any of you haven't seen the movie which I highly doubt, because apparently I was the last person in the world to watch it, besides my roommate who still hasn't seen it.  I wasn't a big fan of it actually. I wouldn't want to watch it again, but now I don't have to live with "OMG, you haven't seen The Shining!?!?! It's a classic! What is wrong with you?!?!?!?!11" so there's that anyway.  The Shining gets 4 and a half stars out of 10. I watched Shaun of the Dead because it's supposed to be pretty funny and I guess it's almost a classic itself. I have never seen Dawn of the Dead, which it is a parody of, but the film still made sense anyway. It was pretty good. I don't think I would have enjoyed it quite as much if the actors didn't all have British accents. I would have enjoyed it more without the overuse, or use really, of the F word. I'm a strong opponent of cussing. If your vocabulary is large enough, you should have quite a few other ways of expressing anger or annoyance or pain. That's just my opinion. So Shaun of the Dead was overall pretty good. I'd give it 7 stars out of 10. Which brings me to my last movie. As a sidenote, don't you just love all of these sentence fragments? I know I do. I am still kind of undecided on Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. It was interesting and unique. Also, Ramona Flowers is awesome. I think I might be her next year for Halloween minus all the exes and the rollerblades. Parts of this movie were kind of confusing. There was a lot of stuff that seemed like dream sequence but then it might have actually happened and I'm not really sure and some confusing transitions. If you're a nerd like me, I'd say give it a try. It kind of turns a love story into a comic book/video game. It's a good movie to watch if you have nothing better to do and don't mind being completely confused for most of it. I wouldn't watch it more than once, but I'll go ahead and give it 6 stars out of 10.

Wow, you weren't expecting a movie review, were you? I might keep doing these every once in a while. Then again, I might not. Who knows? Not me. That being said, be excellent to one another and party on dudes. (Probably a bad Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure reference. I haven't actually seen the whole movie yet, just the end, but I will soon and it looks like a great movie. Also, there were two guys dressed as Bill and Ted at last night's Halloween party. I'm going to end this parenthetical nonsense before it gains a life of its own and tries to take over the world or something equally crazy/bad.) Um, the end!

Update: still trying to figure out how to use my own picture for the background. Any help would be appreciated. But for now, hello blurry birds. Also, whoa look at that, I'm not a robot! Profile picture is now an actual picture of me.

Happy Halloween!

I am going to a Halloween dance tonight, and my legs still don't work, but I'm going anyway because I'm cool like that. I'm going to be Alice in Wonderland. I'm really excited because I was never allowed to dress up or go trick-or-treating so this is my first Halloween where I'm actually doing something fun.  I didn't actually buy a costume though; I'm wearing stuff I already have. That's all I have to say. Bye.

Today

It is cold and dreary outside so I don't mind being stuck inside as much. I'm having Bible study in my room with my friends and we're going to watch Harry Potter, either the 4th one or the 6th. I'm going to read medieval ghost stories for my Medieval Mysteries class, and I'm going to enjoy them. I'm going to feel all alone later tonight when everyone starts going out for Halloween parties. I'm going to remind myself that I never actually do anything on Friday or Saturday nights even when my legs do work. I'll probably find a movie to watch and try not to bug H on Skype with the random things that I'm thinking. Eat some junk food and think about something I can use as a prop to make my Alice in Wonderland costume more recognizable, since it is composed of stuff I already had in my closet and I'm broke. Comment if you have any ideas on that. Potentially start reading another book or play my neglected Nintendo DS, because I'm a nerd like that.

In other news, my roommate and I get along really well. We are both annoyed by the annoying girls down the hall who scream for no reason and sing annoying Spongebob songs and always sound like they're either laughing or crying, but you can't really tell which. We are both disgusted by the fact that girls like to use Halloween as an excuse to wear the least clothing possible. She is dressing as a nerd for Halloween. We both like to watch The Office and don't like to have Awkward Nate watch it with us. We both wish we had a boyfriend who was around all the time and neither one of us does. In conclusion, my roommate is pretty cool and I try not to annoy her by having her go get me grocery bags of food all the time. I have my friends go downstairs and get me food sometimes when they come over, with my own money.

Hmmm, maybe I'll try to teach myself some more keyboard today. Maybe I'll try to learn to play Avenged Sevenfold songs on both my guitar and my keyboard. Maybe I'll fail miserably but who cares. Not me. That reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:
Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better. -Samuel Beckett

That's all folks.

My Agenda

I'm just going to write what I'm going to do today. Design T-shirts, read Forever Odd, watch The Office, Modern Family, Survivor, and The Middle, play my guitar, look at the beautiful weather and wish I could go outside and take pictures of the changing leaves against the blue sky with a few puffy clouds, watch the 4th Harry Potter movie with some friends. Those are my plans for today. That's it, go away.

An Open Letter to Hot Pockets, and more specifically, to Hot Pockets Packaging Designers

Okay Hot Pockets, I get it. With your cool little crisping sleeve, I can eat you on the go! Well, I understand your need to shout this at the top of your lungs, or rather write cute, some may say clever (but not me), sayings on your handy dandy crisping sleeve, but I have some problems I'd like to address.  First of all, it is possible to eat almost any food while on the go. A banana is an extremely portable food item, but it doesn't write on its peel, "Whoa, look how much cooler I am than all other foods because you can eat me on the go!" Banana doesn't feel the need to boast about its portability. Banana lets its awesomeness speak for itself. Fear not dear Hot Pocket, that is not the only issue I have with you. While we're on the topic of your insane need to scream about how wonderful you are, I would like to address the issue that you are not as wonderful as you claim. Sure I can take you on the go, but I have to let you sit for two minutes to cool off if I don't want to get a third degree burn on my hand while living my busy life.  That time doesn't even include the time it takes to cook you. If I want to eat two of you, because I'm just crazy like that and have this mad desire to actually not be starving five minutes after eating, I have to cook you for three whole minutes. Hot Pocket, as annoying as you are to try to eat while on the run, you are even more annoying in quantities exceeding one. Let me explain. When I'm on the go and getting things done, I am usually carrying things. The type of things I am carrying does not matter, so for the purposes of this discussion let's just assume that I need to carry a watermelon and a baby armadillo. Well guess what Hot Pocket, I need an entire hand to hold each one of you, so I can't carry my watermelon or my baby armadillo. Thanks to you, I cannot attend my Baby Armadillo Watermelon Enthusiasts Party. That's right, Hot Pocket, now I'm not even going anywhere. Thanks a lot! The last problem that I have with you is that at times my legs become paralyzed for no apparent reason. Since you're remarkably convenient when it comes to making breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks, I pretty much live on you during these times. Seriously, there are four boxes of you in my mini fridge even as you are reading this. You taste good and your broccoli chicken cheddar variety may even be moderately healthy. However, when I am not able to walk, it seems incredibly insensitive of you to say things like, "You can sit and eat when you're dead", and, "I have nothing against tables except that they're stuck inside all day". So Hot Pocket, while you think you're being cute and clever, you're making me feel helpless and pathetic. Thanks Hot Pocket. I really appreciate it.

-Jay

P.S. That's right Hot Pocket, you don't deserve a "Sincerely" or a "Best Regards" or even a simple "From". You don't even deserve that dash, but I gave it to you anyway, because I'm a nice person and that's the kind of thing that nice people do.

Seeing Stars

Warning: This blog post will be extremely short. If you were planning to procrastinate by reading my blog, you'll have to look elsewhere because this warning is longer than the post will be.

Now that I live in the city, I miss seeing stars at night. I hate light pollution.

Yep, that was the whole post.

Completely Unrelated Update that will Probably be Longer than the Original Post:
My friends came to visit me, and they informed me that the shoes I was wearing were not mine. At the event last night, they had to help me with my shoes because it's really difficult to take your own shoes off and put them on when your legs are paralyzed. I was wearing black Converse. I was not aware that the black Converse that they grabbed for me at the end of the night were not mine. They were the same size as mine and they actually belong to a guy. I have large feet. Anyway, after putting on those shoes, I did notice that they were much looser than mine and now that I think about it, they were actually laced differently. My brain somehow managed to not register that these were not my shoes. I noticed a little bit ago that the white part on the toe was getting pretty scuffed up. The really funny thing about this is that one of my shoes had been signed by Thousand Foot Krutch, a Christian metal band. There are three signatures in black on the toe and one in silver on each side of the shoe. I have no idea how I didn't realize that the shoes I was wearing today weren't mine. I guess it's just not a normal thing for me to go, 'Hmmm, I wonder if these are really my shoes', before putting them on. Daniel is getting his shoes back tonight and I should be getting mine back soon. It's okay, because I have other shoes, and it's not like I'm walking anywhere anyway, because in case you forgot, my legs are paralyzed.

Haha, that was a lot longer than the original post.

I'm Not A Fan of Doctors

Guess who's sick again! If you guessed me, you are correct. Also, I need to do my laundry soon and I have no idea how that's going to happen with the whole leg paralysis thing. H is really concerned about me, and it's kind of nice, except for the fact that he just thinks of me as a good friend. He thinks I need to see a doctor or a specialist or something and not take risks, but my past experience with doctors has consisted of getting jabbed with needles and told either they don't know what's wrong with me or that it's all in my head. So I am convinced that doctors can't help me and neither can anyone else. I just need to get through this on my own. I may just be being stubborn, but I really don't know how anyone could do anything to help.
~Fine~ (that means end in French or something. It's a music term)

Blustery Weather

I guess that the weather finally got the memo that this is October, and therefore it should be fall. This morning, I got up and went to church with my friends. My legs were working before church but I sat for a long period of time, so now they're not working again. After church, I had sushi for the first time and it was really good! Except the octopus, that was weird and slimey. And I even kind of figured out how to use chopsticks, which I have been a complete and utter failure at up to this point. I swear that the leaves changed colors overnight! I could be wrong about this because I haven't been outside since Friday, but to me it seems like it was overnight. Also, it's cold! One of my friends was wearing two coats and she was still cold! I usually jump up and down when I'm cold to warm myself up, but the whole jumping thing isn't really going to be possible because of the whole paralysis thing. Anyway, it was really cold and rainy and windy. I like the way the wind stirs the leaves up. It's very blustery, which is a fantastic word. So, in case you didn't notice fall fell, or fall has fallen; either way sounds kind of weird, but oh well.

Paralysis

So I think that I mentioned that sometimes my legs become paralyzed for no apparent reason. The doctors are baffled. Well, my legs had been fine for a little over a month now, but today they are paralyzed again. It happened while I was in class and my friends came to help, but they're pretty small and couldn't help much. They called one of their friends to come help. I had to have this random guy carry me out to the street so I could get in their friend's car. He was really cool about it. So anyway, no laser tag for me :( I'm confined to my room until further notice. I have mid-terms next week, so I had better be better by then. Otherwise, I'll have to hobble to class on crutches, and there are a lot of stairs on campus. I'm pretty disappointed but still trying to remain optimistic. That's all for now.