Thursday, May 31, 2012

Fabulously Free Fonts

I usually don't post on Thursdays, but I found these really great free fonts that I had to share with you.  Many of them look like handwriting, which is one of my favorite types of fonts.  I also love nice decorative fonts and there are lots of those as well.

Under your Skin is one of my favorites.  Click the picture to view and download.
This picture is just a small sample of what is available.

The website also has many wonderful fonts that are not free, for you folks who aren't me and have money.  Enjoy : )

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Like a Kid in a Candy Store with Men in Black

I never went to a candy store as a child.  My brother got extremely hyper whenever he had sugar so my mother rarely let us have sugar.  Because I was an understanding child and it wouldn't be fair for me to get candy when my brother couldn't have it.  Pretty much the closest I ever came to a candy store as a kid was when we rarely went on one or two day "vacations" to the Oregon Coast and my parents bought a bunch of saltwater taffy.  It went in an empty ice cream bucket in the kitchen when we got back and we were allowed to eat a piece every so often if we were good.

All this backstory exists to prepare you for my sheer amazement at the variety of candy that exists.  Okay, so it wasn't actually a candy store, it was a buy in bulk candy section in a Top Foods grocery store.  But it was pretty overwhelming.  Candy everywhere, in every shape and color imaginable (just about, I have a pretty good imagination).   After we got home, G told me I should have taken a picture inside the store, after I told him I was going to blog about it.  But alas, I did not, so you will all just have to use your imaginations.  But if you have no imagination, then aside from feeling extremely sorry for you, I will say that we will definitely be going back at some point in life, and at that time I will take a picture.  We focused on the gummy section, since the chocolate section was sooo expensive (sad face).  I got a lot of candy.

Believe it or not, this is only my bag of candy, and I already ate a lot of it before taking this photo.

Between G and I, we got enough candy that it just fit in my purse when I took everything else out and left it in the car.  You see, this was not just some willy-nilly spur-of-the-moment insert-hyphenated-phrase-of-your-choice-here candy purchase.  This was candy to be snuck into the movie theater and surreptitiously consumed while watching Men in Black 3.  (Don't judge me, movie theater candy is waaaay expensive)  Luckily this theater doesn't check bags, because I don't think they would have fallen for, "Oh I forgot all that candy was in there, whoops."  We made it into the movie (we didn't see the 3D one because that costs sooooo much more and because it's hard to keep 3D glasses on over my normal glasses).  The theater was mostly empty, so we got to sit at the optimum viewing angle for not straining our necks.  This was actually the first time G and I have ever been to the movies together, because it is expensive and a lot of movies that have been made since we started dating have not been worth paying to watch.  But Men in Black 3 was deemed worthy of our money, and we had to see it. 

The movie was so good, and we ate a ton of candy.  There were no crying babies or annoying people talking through it.  I am definitely not going to try to choose a favorite Men in Black movie.  That is a Herculean task that I will never even attempt.  This one was very good.  We were not disappointed.  There was a great balance of humor, action, suspense, and backstory.  The CGI was flawless (to my untrained eye) and the variety of extraterrestial species was impressive.  This movie also answers some questions you might have been asking.  What is going on between Agent J and Agent K?  Will Agent K ever smile?  What would happen if they had to time travel to save the world?  There's also a character who has this weird Schrodinger's cat TO THE EXTREME thing going on.  And I loved the ending of the movie too.  So I am giving it the coveted rating of 5 stars out of a 5.  I think that it's a must-see for everyone.  And also, the jet packs look kind of like Daleks, which I thought was cool.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

June Sponsors Wanted

My blog has been getting more traffic than ever these past few months.  I'm sticking (mostly) to blogging on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday only, which has made blogging fun for me again.  I am also in the middle of a blog redesign.  Soon my blog will look more put-together and dare I say, snazzy.  Even though all this awesome stuff is happening, you can still snag an ad space starting from just $3 for a month!  For those on the tightest budget ever (like me), you can still do an ad swap with me for free.  From now on, ad swaps will go on the top of my right sidebar and paying sponsors will go at the top of my left sidebar.

So what are you waiting for, come down the rabbit hole with me. It's awesome here : )

Monday, May 28, 2012

Happy Monday Giveaway

Hopefully you're already having a better than normal Monday, because it's Memorial Day and you don't have to work.  But if you are having  a typical Garfield Monday, and maybe if you have to work despite it being Memorial Day, then I hope this will cheer you up a bit.  It's been a while since I've done a giveaway on here.  This time, instead of just giving away some of my stuff, I'm giving away jewelry from my Etsy shop!  One lucky winner will receive their choice of the following three items.

To enter, just leave a comment telling me which one you would like if you won.  I will pick the winner on June 18th.  You can definitely Tweet or blog or Facebook about this giveaway, but doing so will not give you additional entries.  This giveaway is only for US residents, because that is where I can afford to ship to.  You are still allowed to enter even if you were one of the winners in my first giveaway.

I also have a discount code for everyone.  Until July 1st you can enter GIVEAWAY10 at checkout to receive a 10% discount on anything you buy in my shop.

Good luck to everyone, thanks for entering and Happy Monday.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Friday Fashion: Craig Sager

For those of you who don't know, Craig Sager is a TNT courtside reporter for the NBA.  The Lakers are out of the playoffs now (sad face), so I'm not watching any more basketball until next season, but I still wanted to write a post about Craig Sager and his suits.  Craig Sager shares my love for wearing colorful clothing.  Unlike me, I don't think he ever wears the same thing more than once.  My theory is that he has an entire indoor pool filled with his colorful suits, and after he wears a suit once, he has it dry cleaned then added to his colorful suit swimming pool.  Or maybe he donates them to the less fortunate, I don't know.  There is even an entire Tumblr dedicated to Craig Sager's suits, if you want to see more pictures!  The thing that I really admire about Craig Sager is that he wears whatever he wants to and doesn't care what other people think about it.  So without further ado, here are pictures!

lots more at this link
I have no idea what this pattern is. Is it camo? Is it feathers? Your guess is as good as mine.

By the way, Craig Sager is married to a beautiful woman.
This one links to another girl blogging about his fashion.
Life's too short to wear boring clothes, so wear whatever you want, and if people make fun of you, it's just because they're jealous.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

I Want to Live in the Attic

I fell in love with the room I looked at yesterday: low rent, big kitchen, pretty cheerful colorful walls, washer and dryer included, spiral staircase! attic bedroom, green walls with white trim.  Plus the housemates would be mostly artists and musicians. They have a big papier mache elephant head above the fireplace!  The two girls I met are ones who are moving out, but they seemed nice.  I am tentatively going to meet everyone else on Sunday.  If they can get all 6 housemates together at one time, they're going to have everybody over who has looked at their rooms, so they can figure out who will fit the best.  G is very concerned for my safety, because I found them on Craigslist.  I understand that peopleare not always as nice as they seem, but he is pretty convinced that they are going to steal all of my stuff.  It's nice that he worries about me, but he sometimes over-worries.

the staircase is a lot like this but instead of black, it has shiny metal

it's about the color of the wall on the right in this photo, and has white trim

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Nerdery and Webcomics

I told you that I would write a post on webcomics, so here it is.  I started reading my first webcomic back in the 7th grade.  It was called 8 Bit Theater and it was a hilarious parody of the Final Fantasy games, which I have some but little experience playing.  My brother introduced me to the comic and I loved it from the first strip.  You don't even have to have any experience with the Final Fantasy games to enjoy it.

Episode 001: We’re going where?

I finished 8 Bit Theater sometime in high school.  It was one of those webcomics that actually has an ending.  After that, I discovered XKCD, which is more of a math/science/computer nerd webcomic.  I don't get all of their jokes, but the ones that I do get are hilarious.  And the hover-text is almost always as funny as the comic itself.

Every Major's Terrible

Abstruse Goose is sometimes similar to XKCD, but sometimes it is more like Cyanide and Happiness.


I love Cyanide and Happiness, which is filled with dark humor.

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic

I rarely read Buttersafe and Doghouse Diaries, but they are also both hilarious.

A Better Place

Doghouse Diaries

I just discovered Feel Afraid.  It is mostly silly, with some occasional dark humor.

Crystal Meth

Subnormality is more of a social commentary that is occasionally funny.  It is also very text-heavy.  I definitely have to be  in order to want to read it, so I don't read it very often.  Unlike many of the other webcomics I read, this one kind of has a storyline.  It is sometimes about a sphinx trying to live in the city.

Those are all of the webcomics I read right now, so that's it.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Hey Kid, Wanna Buy a Banner?

I have been working on my banner design skills lately, and I will make you a custom banner for your blog or website for just $5.  That's right, just $5!  If you're interested, just shoot me an email at jaythejedi(at)live(dot)com.

I designed the banner on the top of my blog and my Etsy banner.

Please no nudity or adult content.

Monday, May 21, 2012

This Bee is Busy

G's birthday was on Saturday.  He turned 27.  He took Friday off of work and declared the entire weekend his birthday weekend.  This meant that Friday he bought himself some of his favorite food and alcohol and spent the rest of the day playing with the chickens (There's a new chicken named Coco. She's 2 years old.), playing video games, and then that evening, we watched the Lakers game.  On Saturday G's mom took us to a seafood restaurant.  It was really yummy and I had mussels and clams in shells for the first time.  I had some super filling and ridiculously tasty seafood mac and cheese with little shrimp and dungeness crab pieces in it.  I still have some left over.  We watched the Laker's game that night too because they played back to back.  We played horse with the Nerf basketball hoop in G's room and we tied (we haven't finished yet, we sort of forgot).  I have been practicing at Nerf basketball because G always beats me.  We bought a scratch ticket and it wasn't a winner.  Then yesterday, I went to the Street Fair with my friend Kelsey while G played with the chickens, played video games, and napped.  It was really rainy and I walked at least forty blocks total up and down the Ave/to and from my bus.  It was really fun despite the rain.  There were some people there who were at the art fair last summer.  There was some really cool stuff but I didn't buy anything except a birthday card for G that had some cute chickens on it, and some food.  I ate a really tasty crepe from my favorite crepe place.  I actually got a savory crepe for once instead of a dessert crepe and it was perfect.  It was like chef's salad in crepe form.  I got some chocolate dipped strawberry and banana slices for dessert.  I bought G a Philly cheesesteak, because they are one of his favorite foods and brought it back to him.  He ate it as a before dinner snack.  And he loved his chicken card.  We went to Bed Bath and Beyond and got some stuff we needed for the kitchen, as well as a super soft and cozy blanket.  I made lamb for dinner, cooked in champagne that had gone flat, apple juice, and a little bit of butter, and seasoned with fresh thyme and salt and pepper.  Then I made a gravy from the broth and meat juices.  We ate it with broccoli and baked potatoes, while watching The Simpson's season finale and then the Family Guy season finale.  Then we both fell asleep on the couch and went to bed later.  I slept for 11 hours.

And now it's back to the real world.  In the real world, there's a lot of stress.  Currently I need to finish listing jewelry for my Etsy shop (only three things left), find a job (I've been applying everywhere), find a new place to live (checking out a place this week), donate stuff to Goodwill, work on the Chef Bigfoot illustrations for the Craigslist guy, make more jewelry, and start packing up my room.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Movie Review: Phoebe in Wonderland

I've had this movie sitting in my Instant Queue on Netflix for a while now.  I've started this crazy thing where I'm actually watching the movies in my Instant Queue instead of just constantly adding more.  I know, I'm so insane.  But anyway, I chose this movie because I love the cover art and because it sounded Alice in Wonderland-related.

This movie is about a little girl who seems to act out all the time.  She mouths off in class and yells out at ballets.  She also seems to have very severe OCD.  She has to wash her hands a certain number of times, so much that it makes her skin raw and bloody.  She also has to touch all the square pavers in the yard in a certain order, and if she gets interrupted, she must start over.  She decides to sign up for the school play/musical, which is a production of Alice in Wonderland.  She lands the lead role, because she's the only one who tries out for it who can actually act (which is ironic, since all the kids in the movie are real-life actors).  The only place she doesn't act out is in her drama class and her drama teacher is a wonderful mentor for Phoebe.  Phoebe's mother is worried by what is going on with her daughter.  Her mother is writing her dissertation on Alice in Wonderland, and sometimes Phoebe says things like she's talking with the Red Queen.  When asked if that is her imaginary friend, she insists that she is real.  Many Alice in Wonderland characters talk with Phoebe and at first they seem very helpful.  The parts with the Alice in Wonderland characters are very well done and extremely artistic.  I don't want to give away the ending, because I really did love this movie and think that everyone should watch it, especially kids, so they aren't so quick to label someone as the "weirdo".

I give this movie 5 out of 5 stars.  The acting, mostly by children, was superb.  The storyline was interesting and the plot moved along nicely.  I also loved how artistic it all was.  I would definitely watch this movie again, and I would strongly recommend it to everyone.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

One of My Old Drawings

I drew this a few years ago and I just came across the scan on my laptop the other day

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Product Reviews: Products I'm Loving

I purchased some new beauty products a few weeks ago.  I bought them all with my own money, and have not been compensated in any way for this post.  One of them was something that is fairly new and everyone online has been raving about how wonderful it is.  Another was something that seems too good to be true, that I bought to see if it might actually work.

The products are: Revlon Colourburst Lip Butter, Almay Clear Complexion Foundation, and Simple exfoliating facial wipes.

I won't make you wait in suspense. I love every single one of these products (in case you couldn't tell from the title).  I can't even pick a favorite, I love them all so much. 

The exfoliating wipes are so gentle and soothing on my skin that I will never go back to harsh exfoliating scrubs.  They have Pro-vitamin B5, Vitamin E, and aloe vera.  They make my skin feel smooth and refreshed, and they also moisturize.  Also, there are no dyes or perfumes that can irritate your skin.  They smell really good and refreshing anyway, because of the aloe vera.  I use them every day, morning and evening.

The Almay clear complexion foundation sounds way too good to be true.  A foundation that makes your skin clearer?!  It couldn't possibly work.  But it does!  It contains salicylic acid which is an ingredient in most acne clearing products.  The only thing is that it can be really drying if you keep using your usual acne clearing product as well.  After using this foundation my skin has never been clearer, well at least not since before I went through puberty.  It covers fairly well, but doesn't feel at all heavy.  It stays put all day too, which is great.  It dispenses easily through a pump, and a little bit goes a long way.  I only use about three pumps to cover my whole face.

The Revlon Colourburst Lip Butter has been raved about by beauty bloggers and regular girls alike, all over the internet, so I had to try it for myself.  I have severely chapped lips year round, so I have to use chapstick constantly.  It helps quite a bit, but not as much as I'd like.  The Revlon Lip Butter actually moisturizes my lips better than chapstick.  It leaves them feeling soft and healthy.  I originally bought the Red Velvet shade but it was way too dark for me.  I looked like I was either a wannabe goth/emo or I had a vampire fetish.  So I went on eBay and found the shade I really wanted, which they had been sold out of at Rite Aid, brand new for less than I had paid for the other one.  It is the Tutti Frutti shade, which is sort of a coral color.  The color is vibrant and long-lasting and I love it.  I don't ever want to use a different lipstick, maybe a different shade of the Revlon Colourburst Lip Butter, but never a different type of lipstick.

This is my face after using the exfoliating wipes, then applying the foudation and lipstick,
with no other makeup at all.  The lipstick is a little oranger in real life.

So I guess that's it.  I give every single one of these products 5 stars out of 5, and will definitely purchase every one of them again in the future, many many times.  I also highly recommend them to everybody.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Healthy Fish and Chips

I made this a couple of weeks ago, but I've had so many other things to post about that I'm just now sharing it.  G's mom gave us a beautiful halibut fillet.  I'd never cooked fish before.  I learned that fish cooks waaaaaaaaaaaay faster than chicken.  The bottom of my piece got a little bit burnt but it was still delicious.

Sidenote: I think that I may have to do a broccoli intervention for G. He wants it every single night : )

I cooked the broccoli the way I usually do now, with a little bit of salt and pepper in a sauce of equal parts extra virgin olive oil, worcestershire sauce, and honey.  I just cook the broccoli, turning it occasionally, until it gets nice and bright green.  If you cook it to mush, almost all of the healthy nutrients get cooked out.  I battered the fish with flour mixed with some sage, some oregano, and salt and pepper. Then I cooked it in the sauce left in the pan that I cooked the broccoli in. 

For the "chips" portion of the fish and chips, I washed some potatoes, then diced them up without peeling them.  I cooked them with a seasoning of some sage, some oregano, salt and pepper, and a little paprika.  I fried them in a little bit of extra virgin olive oil.

To make this healthier, substitute olive oil with coconut oil.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Friday Fashion: First Impressions

Yesterday I went to the Ave and turned in a job application at Buffalo Exchange.  I tried to look as fashionable as possible to make a good first impression.  The manager, a girl a few years older than me, did a little mini-interview then said she'd review my application and call back within a week if she wants to do a full interview.  She was really nice and seemed to like me.  I found another place that was hiring, a vintage shop.  I inquired about the position.  The guy seemed eager to have me come by with my resume despite the fact that my only vintage experience is reading blogs by people who like vintage.  The girl was sort of dismissive, but I'm going to drop off my resume today anyway.  And I just made plans for crepes and thrifting with Jessica : ).

As I was walking back and forth on the Ave, trying to remember where Jimmy John's was (I finally found it and it was so busy and noisy but yummy food anyway), I walked past a homeless guy holding a cardboard sign.  I didn't read his sign, because I didn't have any extra money (I barely had money for lunch).  As I was walking up the sidewalk and almost to where he was standing, he looked at me and said, "Hi Beautiful, enjoy this lovely weather."  It completely caught me off guard.  Nobody ever calls me beautiful except for G.  But it put a huge smile on my face and I said, "Thanks, you too."  That random homeless guy definitely made my day.

After I got a sub from Jimmy John's, I went and read by the fountain for about an hour and got a tiny bit of sun on my vampire-pale skin, before getting on the bus and coming home.

How gorgeous is this?!

I'm not really into architecture, but look how great these old buildings look.

And now for pictures of my outfit.  This was my first time taking outfit photos outside where people might actually see me.

this angle sucks for photos

this is my taking-oufit-photos-outside-is-scary face

in the entryway

an in-the-mirror shot for old time's sake
All my clothes I wore yesterday were thrifted, except the tights, which are from eBay.  The bracelet is a souvenir from a beach trip years ago, and I made the ring, which you can't actually see, and it's for sale in my shop.

After that, I went over to G's and we watched the Lakers play like a bunch of high schoolers and lose terribly.  Sure Kobe had the flu, but everyone on the team played bad except for him.  It was still enjoyable though, and afterward we made awesome hamburgers infused with Hawaiian barbecue sauce, baked potatoes, and sweet and sour broccoli. (Did you guys know that I can actuaaly cook good now?)

And I also have a commision via Craigslist to make two vector Bigfoots in chef coats.  How awesome is that?!

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Pretty New Camera

I got this gorgeous new camera.  It's a Nikon Coolpix S8200.  It has many amazing features, my favorite one being that it actually works!   I'm going to show you a ton of pictures. Woohoo!

obviously taken with my old awful camera,
my new Nikon Coolpix S8200

the built-in selective color feature is one of my favorites too

more selective color fun

it takes full-color pictures too, though I edited this one poorly

all this prettiness resides on top of my half of the dresser;
the rings are for a bracelet I'm making for myself

Monday, May 7, 2012

Sunny with a Chance of Showers

Yesterday the weather was beautiful, blue skies and not a cloud in sight.  G took me to the beach, which I was surprised to learn in only 20 minutes from my house by car.  It was a ton of fun.  We collected lots of pretty rocks and shells to put in an empty vase he has.  We took a long walk on the beach. (It's a cliche for a reason, because it's really enjoyable.) 

After that, G took me to Best Buy to pick up my new camera which I haven't used yet. I need to put some AAA batteries in it; then I'll photograph at least some of the jewelry I've made to put on Etsy.  After Best Buy, G took me to an early lunch at Red Robin, to celebrate the fact that he got his master's degree and I got a job.  Over lunch, I told him that my boss has been sexually harassing me.  Nothing as bad as rape, but what the law would describe as "unwelcome touches".  My boss has rubbed my upper thighs both front and back, given me back massages where his hands end up going under my shirt, and patted me on the butt, all on more than one occasion.  In fact, it's been happening every day for two weeks now.  The first week of work, he didn't do anything like that but as soon as the second week started, so did the unwelcome touches.  At first, I tried to rationalize it, like maybe he doesn't realize what he's doing.  I would get up and walk away to work intently on some project.  I didn't even write about it on here, because I guess I was sort of in denial.  If I don't tell people about it, I can pretend it's not happening.  I don't know if I actually had the flu last Friday or if the thought of going back to work just made me sick to my stomach, but I puked at least 10 times before I was able to call in sick, then more after I called in sick.  I thought I was finally better when I was about to go to bed for the night, but then I puked some more, and had to stay up a couple more hours.  When I get sick, I get thoughtful, and that's when I decided that minimum wage is not worth feeling so uncomfortable that I feel sick to my stomach, as I had every day before going to work since the touching started.  After I told G what had been going on he told me I'm not going back to work, and I told him I wasn't going to, and that I was quitting.  G wanted to go threaten my (now-ex) boss that G would cut off Bob's testicles if he ever touched me again, but Bob isn't in the shop on weekends.  G later decided not to threaten him, because that will only end in G getting in trouble.  I sent my boss an email that I got a new job and I'm moving to Portland.  I don't want to tell him the real reason why I quit, because then he'll know he had power over me and I am not going to give him that satisfaction.  I didn't even get a good night's sleep last night because I was kept awake thinking about all the things I have to do now that I had to quit my job.  So now I have to find a new job, and either two new roommates or a new place to live, because my roommate informed me that she's moving out at the end of the month.  And now I have to call my mom and tell her what happened.  It sort of feels good though, that I've taken away Bob's power and now I'm safe.  G thinks Bob chose me as a victim because I look young and because I'm shy and quiet around people until I get to know them.  An easy target.  I Facebook messaged one of Bob's former employees to see if Bob had ever done anything like that to her and she said he hadn't but she's sorry that happened to me.  I just feel sorry for the next girl Bob inevitably hires and I hope that she doesn't have to go through what I did. And I'm very lucky that it didn't escalate, because it could have been a lot worse.  And I'm also lucky that G loves me so much. He even bought me muffins that evening, because I had been craving them but didn't feel like baking.  We also watched another Lakers playoff victory last night.  And I made a delicious, if not sort of disjointed, meal of broccoli and salmon and nachos.  G comes up with meal ideas and sometimes chops stuff up and then I actually cook them.  He loved the salmon, which is something that I have never cooked before and he raved over how perfect the texture was, which made me feel good about myself.  I have a busy day/while ahead of me, so that's all for now.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Graduation Speeches

Why are graduation speeches even a thing? I had to give one and I completely dreaded it. I was a member of the class of 2009. My class had just 50 kids in it. And yet I hate public speaking, especially in front of about 400 people.  So I just want to know, is it supposed to be a reward? You did so well in school that you get to force people to listen to whatever you feel like talking about for as long as you feel like talking about it.  Some people would probably love that but not me.  For me, it was more of a punishment, like you did so well in school that we're forcing you to say things to people who for the majority don't even care that you exist. Fantastic.  So for my speech I just read a poem I wrote earlier on in high school and ended it with congrats to the class of 2009. Short and sweet.  And then during the grad night party, one of the popular guys had the audacity to say he would have done a better speech and I wasted my opportunity.  I told him I would have gladly let him speak instead of me if that was allowed and I hate public speaking.  Not to mention that when you graduate you have to wear some of the ugliest clothes known to man.  And my hair was being ridiculous that day too.  So I was really just glad to get it over with.

Here's another fun story about graduating from high school.  The day of graduation, I went to put on my pretty "new" thrift store dress and it didn't fit.  Because my biceps were too big, of all things.  In the last part of my senior year, to avoid some hardcore senioritis, I took two PE classes a day out of my five daily classes.  One of them was tumbling, for a second time, because I had a goal to learn how to cartwheel (which I did) and because the first time I took it, I had an appendectomy and had to sit out for about three months while I healed.  Pretty much everything in tumbling involved upper body strength, from handstands to cartwheels and roundoffs.  So I got pretty big arm muscles over the course of that class and consequently my dress no longer fit.  And I was just finding out the day of.  When I was already sick to my stomach with nervousness.  Awesome.  I called my best friend, and between her younger sister and her, they had a really pretty dress that fit me perfectly and they let me borrow it.  So that got taken care of about an hour before graduation. Eep. Talk about a close call.


Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Q and A: How Can I Get My Luck Back?

So I was looking through the keywords that led people to my blog today, like I do everyday, and saw the question, "How do I get my luck back?" I thought it was my duty to answer whoever searched that, because the closest thing to that I have here is about me getting my luck back. But I didn't say how.

Disclaimer: Don't take anything I say here seriously.

Step One: Always eat Lucky Charms for breakfast, every single day. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so make sure yours is lucky!

Step Two: Carry as many good luck charms as possible with you. If you're really serious about being lucky, you can even construct a good luck suit.  Use items like four leaf clovers, right side up horseshoes, and lucky pennies. Avoid rabbit's feet because they aren't nice. All these rabbits have to hop-limp around with three or less feet because everyone is stealing their feet for luck.

Step Three: Do every lucky thing possible. Always wish on shooting stars.  And always pick up every penny you find, unless they're in the middle of a really busy intersection. That would be a risky move until you are absolutely sure that your luck is fully functioning.

Step Four: Never do anything unlucky. This means don't walk under ladders, don't let black cats cross your path, and definitely don't break any mirrors.  If you do any of these things, you will need to counteract the bad luck by doing the following. If you walk under a ladder, you will need to then climb to the top of the ladder and back down 7 times, because the number 7 is good luck.  If a black cat crosses your path you have to hop on one foot backwards past it and videotape yourself doing so and upload it to Youtube, because hopping and Youtube are both good luck.  If you break a mirror, you have to make 7 new mirrors, just like how you have to replant trees if you cut them down. Don't ask me how either. It's complicated.

Do all of those things and you should be winning all of the lotteries on a weekly basis.