Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Q and A: How Can I Get My Luck Back?

So I was looking through the keywords that led people to my blog today, like I do everyday, and saw the question, "How do I get my luck back?" I thought it was my duty to answer whoever searched that, because the closest thing to that I have here is about me getting my luck back. But I didn't say how.

Disclaimer: Don't take anything I say here seriously.

Step One: Always eat Lucky Charms for breakfast, every single day. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so make sure yours is lucky!

Step Two: Carry as many good luck charms as possible with you. If you're really serious about being lucky, you can even construct a good luck suit.  Use items like four leaf clovers, right side up horseshoes, and lucky pennies. Avoid rabbit's feet because they aren't nice. All these rabbits have to hop-limp around with three or less feet because everyone is stealing their feet for luck.

Step Three: Do every lucky thing possible. Always wish on shooting stars.  And always pick up every penny you find, unless they're in the middle of a really busy intersection. That would be a risky move until you are absolutely sure that your luck is fully functioning.

Step Four: Never do anything unlucky. This means don't walk under ladders, don't let black cats cross your path, and definitely don't break any mirrors.  If you do any of these things, you will need to counteract the bad luck by doing the following. If you walk under a ladder, you will need to then climb to the top of the ladder and back down 7 times, because the number 7 is good luck.  If a black cat crosses your path you have to hop on one foot backwards past it and videotape yourself doing so and upload it to Youtube, because hopping and Youtube are both good luck.  If you break a mirror, you have to make 7 new mirrors, just like how you have to replant trees if you cut them down. Don't ask me how either. It's complicated.

Do all of those things and you should be winning all of the lotteries on a weekly basis.

1 comment:

  1. For once I wish this was facebook... so I could hit a "like" button on the "satire" categorization of this post. :P


Every time you comment, a kitten is born, and who doesn't love kittens?