Friday, August 5, 2011

What is Luv?

Lately, my blog posts have contained more than one main thing that I want to discuss and this one is no exception.  Prepare for me recounting this guy being a complete jerk, a movie review, and some questions I have.

So first off, I have learned a very valuable lesson that I'm sure will serve me well for the rest of my life.  Do not try to make friends on Craigslist.  The fact that you are posting in the "strictly platonic" section on Craigslist does not necessarily mean that guys who read your ad for JUST FRIENDS will even know what the word platonic means.  Or if they do know what it means, then dude, I seriously have a knack for making guys really like me after we meet in person.  I met four Craigslist guys, 4 guys that I confirmed with in advance that I only wanted friends.  4 guys who said they just wanted friends too.  4 guys who met me and 3 out of the 4 guys who liked me as more than a friend.  2 guys who I had to let down gently.  2 guys who agreed we could still be friends (which, if you remember, was all I wanted the entire time).  2 guys who I haven't heard from since they said that, yeah, we could still be friends.  1 guy who seemed to understand that I just wanted a friend.  1 guy who acted like all he wanted was a friend too.  1 guy who had no other friends besides me.  1 guy who I hung out with 4 times ever.  1 guy who texted me asking if I wanted to go on a road trip to Wyoming with him, JUST AS FRIENDS.  1 guy who recently asked me what church I go to and if he could come along, because he wants to get his life back together.  1 guy who I received an invitation to go on a road trip with him after we've only seen each other 4 times, supposedly just as friends, and that I thought WTF?! and didn't reply to just then because I was Skyping with G.  1 guy who I didn't end up replying to because I was trying to formulate some sort of reply other than WTF?! We've only ever seen each other four times ever. No, I won't go on a road trip with you!  The story I plan to tell begins here.  Yesterday was Wednesday.  I didn't realize this until 7:00 at night yesterday.  I have church on Wednesday at 9:30.  The guy, M, really enjoyed it when he went to church with me (or so he led me to believe).  I didn't want to have to wait at a sketchy bus stop after church on the street where the drug dealers and homeless people are.  (I have nothing against homeless people. Many of them are really great.  Just some of them have mental illnesses, and yeah, they frighten me.)  So I texted M to see if he wanted to go to church with me and apologized for the last minute-ness, and explained how I didn't realize it was Wednesday until literally the minute before I texted him.  He replies that I am a waste of time, and he's already in Wyoming.  (Only with slightly more colorful and rude language. I like to keep my blog as close to G-rated as possible.)  Me, being such a nice person, tries to be the bigger person, and apologize for not replying to his road trip invite text.  Then he cusses me out and says mean and hurtful things to me, which I could deal with.  But then he acts like I led him on!  I had very clearly established that I only wanted to be friends, so he had no right at all to accuse me of leading him on.  And then he says that I wasted his time dragging him to church or whatever, when he asked me if he could go and then acted like he enjoyed it.  By this point I am very very very mad.  So I texted him that I thought he was a nice person but apparently I was wrong.  He replies that he thought I was nice too.  And that he had liked me.  Like I even care how he felt about me.  He's obviously a jerk.  I am nice.  Then he says that maybe he is a jerk, but soon he'll be a rich jerk.  So the guy throws away the only friend he has in the world for money.  Awesome.  So then I texted him to please stop texting me, and surprisingly, he did stop texting me.  I'm just glad I didn't waste more time with him.  I was pretty upset by then, so I didn't go to church, although G offered to take me.  Instead, I went over to G's for a while and he shared his dinner with me and we watched a movie and cuddled and he said tons of nice things and cheered me up and made me no longer want to punch something.  Sidenote: Do not watch a movie called Blackout.  It sounds really interesting, but in reality, it is not.  You will spend the entire movie waiting for it to get interesting, and then it finally does for about two minutes, and then the ending is horrible too.

Movie review time.  (Blackout wasn't actually worth reviewing.)  The first movie I watched on my first visit to G's (well, the first visit where I went inside and wasn't just meeting his chickens), was called Suspect Zero.  It was such a good movie.  It's about a serial killer who targets serial killers, and then some people are psychic and it's all really crazy.  This movie was fantastic, so good that G and I hardly made out during it at all, because we were paying attention, unlike Blackout.  If you like movies that make you think, movies about serial killers, or just movies where crazy stuff happens that makes you say "Whoa", then you should definitely watch this movie.  I give it 8 stars out of 10.

Which brings me to my questions, and some stuff that I just need to share.  So if you couldn't tell by the fact that I included him in every single aspect of this post, I really like G.  More than I've ever liked any guy.  So the thing is that he likes this other girl too.  And it's not even in a he's a total jerk, how could he way.  He's known this girl for a long time.  And he has been completely honest about it.  Nothing has happened between them yet.  It's sort of tearing him apart that he likes both of us so much, and he knows that eventually he'll have to choose.  But he has been hanging out with me, and not with her, for nearly every single night since we've met.  I think this is the first night since we started dating that we haven't either gone out, stayed in together, or he's come over at like 1 in the morning, because he wants to kiss me.  And it wasn't because he was with her. He just didn't want me to get sick of him, like that would even happen.  I trust him.  He appears to be completely honest with me.  At least, he has shared some very personal things that aren't the sorts of things you tell just anyone.  He calls me angel, and I love it.  Sometimes he calls me his awkward angel, but he keeps saying that I'm not that awkward anymore.  We make each other laugh a lot, sometimes while we're kissing, and then it makes kissing rather difficult.  We chat via IM on Skype all day long while he's at work, when he'll have little breaks.  And he has started saying, "I luv you", on chat.   It started out as, "I really like you a lot", and has recently progressed into luv.  So my question is, what does luv mean? I feel like it's a step above like and a step below love, like maybe he's trying it out before he actually drops the "l" word, and I do not mean lesbians.  (Scott Pilgrim, anyone?)  And the thing is, I think I'm falling in love with him.  But I can't help but worry that he'll choose this Ivy chick over me.  She's probably closer to his age, for one thing.  I don't really feel like I can compete, and I don't want to be hurt.  I've let him know that no matter what happens, I will never hate him.  And if he chooses her, I do still want to be friends.

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