The Good and The Bad

So today was partially good and partially bad. How's that for an opening sentence? Really hooks the reader, doesn't it. This is why I'm a blogger and not a writer of any sort that is expected to be good at writing. You can tell by my complete mastery of the English language and sentence structure.  Anyway, I'll tell you the good stuff first. I had a midterm today and I didn't completely space and forget everything that I studied. In fact, I didn't even partially space and I didn't forget anything that I studied.  That reminds me, I need to check my grade from my physics midterm. I'll be right back.  I got a 16 and the average was 15.68, so that's good.  Other good things, it was sunny today even though it was cold and I took some pictures, four to be precise.  Here they are.  Well, at least they would be there if I had uploaded them. I'm going to go do that now.

Pretty Little Liars is on tonight, so that's another good thing.

Now for the bad things.  My mini fridge leaked on the floor because I guess the bottom isn't sealed properly. When my roommate was trying to figure out what was wrong with it, she found mold on the floor, gross.  I wanted to have dinner and watch a movie with C tonight, but he has to study. He apologized twice.  However, that's not really a bad thing since I was planning to give up watching Pretty Little Liars tonight to hang out with him and now I don't have to. I would have rather gotten to hang out with C, but this is me being optimistic.

I don't remember if I told you why I like him so much, but if I have, bear with me.  He likes art, he plays piano and guitar, he's helpful, he reads for fun, he's funny and he thinks that I'm funny, we have the same grey Converse shoes (which is obviously super important), and he's cute.  My parents liked him when they met him too. Oh yeah, and he also does Rubik's cubes and has a 4 x 4 that he doesn't know how to solve, just like me.  And he dresses nice which I could usually care less about, but in this case I enjoy it.

Last night I watched V for Vendetta and it was fairly fantastic. I was going to be all alliterative with the letter v in my review but that's way too difficult.  I have a friend who watches this movie every November 5th and absolutely adores it, but I hadn't watched it yet until last night.  It's an interesting movie about a future England that is completely controlled by the government and one man's quest to end the oppression of the government.  It challenges your views of what is right and what is wrong and V has some superb lines.  There's tons of action and politics and it's just a really great movie.  I give it a 4 out of 5.

I started playing Robot Unicorn Attack the other day and it is addicting and infuriating. The heavy metal version is really awesome and no game has ever made me so angry. I was yelling at my laptop for lagging and making me run into pentagrams when I was supposed to dash through them and I had pushed dash but the game just wanted me to die.  Anyway, the soundtrack is awesome, if not slightly repetitive.  If you plan on ever doing work ever again, do not play this game.

I'm going to go get some dinner now. Bye.

Don't Bother Me Today

I have a midterm tomorrow and I'm studying, so go away. I'll be back again tomorrow.

My Birthday: Day 2

My parents drove 4 hours today to take me to lunch.  We had Chinese food. It was alright, not the best Chinese food ever, but there was a lot of it.  I got barbecue pork, fried rice, fried prawns, orange glazed almond chicken, and an egg roll.  It was all pretty good except for the chicken.  It was a ginormous piece of chicken absolutely smothered in orange glaze and almonds.  The only problem with it was that when I read "orange glaze" on a menu, I expect it to mean an orange-flavored glaze.  In this case I was mistaken and it actually meant that the glaze was orange-colored.  It was flavorless and the consistency of slime, so I scraped it off. I have enough leftover food for another meal.  Oh, and my fortune cookie told me that I'll be successful in romance.  I took a picture of the restaurant ceiling because it looked really cool. Yes, there were other people in the restaurant.  No, I didn't care if they thought I was crazy for taking a picture of the ceiling.  It's cool right?

I just remembered the best story that I forgot to tell you about yesterday.  When we were at dinner, there was this very modern painting on one of the walls.  We spent a while staring at it and trying to figure out what it could be (sort of like making pictures out of clouds).  I said that it looked like it was painted by a second grader.  My friend Dylan asked how many paintings I have up in a University Teriyaki.  I replied none, but then H told me to draw something on my napkin.  I did and he hung it up on the wall with a pushpin that he borrowed from another portion of the wall. It was pretty cool.  Then we all discussed the possibility that the pushpin had been holding up the building and now it might collapse on us.  My friends are pretty ridiculous.  When we got back to my dorm, we all went to my room to get my laptop and two of the guys started jumping on the walls and trying to get their feet to stay on opposite walls.  If you think about it, you might understand what I mean.  Then they went around to different rooms and reminisced about the people who lived in them last year, since this is the floor that most of us lived on last year.  I knocked on C's door and asked him if he wanted to watch Edward Scissorhands with us.  He was still doing math so he couldn't.  Then Alex and Dylan asked who sleeps on the top bunks in his room.  He said that his two roommates do, after first saying, What?  Then they told him that they shouldn't sleep directly on the mattress because of the guy who lived there last year.  They sounded like they were insane.  The reason behind this is that the guy who lived there last year, affectionately referred to as Big D (I think his name was Devin or Derek) did not have sheets on his bed.  He slept in his underwear directly on the mattress and hardly ever showered.  I thought it best that C's roommates didn't hear about this, because neither one of them would want to sleep in their beds. Ignorance is bliss.  And I figure that they probably thoroughly clean the mattresses during the summer and they might not keep the same mattresses in the same room every year.  So anyway, my friends are kind of crazy.

Back to today: After lunch, we went to my aunt's house and had birthday cake with my aunt and two uncles.  We came back and went to Goodwill and my mom found this really awesome shirt and showed it to me then didn't let me get it since I have to save all of my money for physical therapy co-pays, lame.  Another reason that not being able to walk sucks.  My dad found this super awesome Nightmare Before Christmas wall clock, which unfortunately can't be put anywhere in my dorm room and I don't have space for it at home.  The numbers glowed in the dark and everything! And it would match my purse, since everyone knows your wall clock has to match your purse.

So after my parents got some stuff at Goodwill and I got nothing, we went back to my dorm and ate more cake. Kelly and Andrew were there so my parents met them and I invited C over too.  Then my dad made me solve my Rubik's cube which I haven't done in a very long time, so it took almost 10 minutes.  And my mom bragged about how good at math I am, since I asked C if he finished his math.  And then she started talking about how I got my reading level tested in Kindergarden.  I am not easily embarassed by my parents, but I get really embarassed when they brag about me (especially in front of a boy I like).  I try really hard not to make people think I'm ridiculously smart.  I keep my everyday speaking vocabulary to normal person words and try not to tell people random trivia.  The truth is that I am pretty smart.  I'm not trying to brag or anything. It's just something else that's weird about me and has always made me different from other kids, so I never really fit in. 

I learned how to read when I was 3 and when I was in kindergarten, which I still can't spell correctly so I'm alternating between using a g and using a d, I had my reading level tested and it was above a normal sixth grade reading level.  They weren't sure how much higher, since that was the highest test they had.  I skipped first grade because of this and because of that, I was always the youngest kid in my class.  Besides that, I was small for my age.  I was actually really popular in elementary school, since I helped everyone with their homework.  If they didn't know what a word meant, they would just ask me.  I was also really athletic. I played soccer every day at recess and when we had our gymnastics unit in P.E., I could do a headstand where you start laying flat on your stomach in a pushup position and then use your stomach muscles to push up into a headstand. 

Once middle school started, everything changed.  I became an outcast, not cool enough to hang out with the popular kids.  This was made worse by the fact that I was in band and I never went to any dances.  In high school, it got even worse, but I never really wanted to be popular.  I tried not to let what other people thought about me bother me and I just learned to be happy with who I was and not to change myself to get people to like me.  I had a few friends, other social outcasts like myself, mostly stoners, anime lovers, and metalheads.  My best friend was incredibly shy and I was the only person she would really talk to for all of middle school and freshman year of high school. After freshman year, she started dating and didn't spend so much time with me anymore.  We're pretty close now though, especially after her possessive stalker boyfriend her sophomore year.  She was socially accepted because she went to dances and football games.  I never had a boyfriend (that was not my decision, boys just weren't interested in me), I listened to metal and classic rock instead of rap or hip hop, often wore guys clothes, took lots of wood shop and PE classes, hacky sacked, and never went to dances or football games.  I didn't play any sports, but I did Knowledge Bowl.  I had a few good friends and they were true friends, not like the two-faced popular kids.  They liked me for who I was.  I went to prom my senior year.  That was the only dance I ever went to in high school and it was awful, but that's another story for another time.  I ended up being the valedictorian. 

Now that I'm in college, I'm not the smartest or the youngest.  I still wear guy clothes a lot and I used to hacky sack. My music taste is accepted and I have more of a social life than I ever have.  I still haven't had a boyfriend but that could change soon.  I didn't really stand out much until I ended up in a wheelchair.  I had done little things to try to blend in, like narrowing my vocabulary, not telling people that I do crossword puzzles and sudoku for fun, stuff like that.  I have a few good friends, but I feel like when people first see me, they don't see me, they see my wheelchair.  I had just started to pretty much fit in, but now I don't anymore.  Perhaps I never will.  I am starting to accept this fact and might embrace it soon.  Who knows?  I have learned to be myself no matter what and that it's not really that important to fit in.

Whoa, how did I even start talking about that? That was definitely not my plan before I started this post.  Well, now you have a bit of an insight into my life. Bye now.

Oh wait, don't go yet, I didn't do my movie review yet! Last night, I watched two movies: Edward Scissorhands and Kiki's Delivery Service.  Love, love, love them both! Danny Elfman and Tim Burton are such an awesome duo and they always make the best movies.  I love the hedge sculptures and Edward is awesome. The story itself fits pretty well with what I was going off on a tangent about earlier, fitting in vs. standing out.  Easily five stars.  And Kiki's Delivery Service is full of action and adventure and it is also about fitting in vs. standing out, which I didn't even think about until just now.  Gigi is super awsome.  He is hilarious and I love everything he says.  Kiki is really cool too and a very nice witch.  She reminds me of Pollyanna, because she is so nice.  The music isn't great but it is pretty much common anime type music, so it gets a 4 out of 5.  And now I am done for reals, and you can carry on with your business.

Happy Birthday to Me

I was going to call this post something else, like The Amazing 100th Blog Post Spectacular, but then you would have been anticipating something amazingly spectacular, so I didn't.  Just know that this is my 100th blog post, so that's pretty cool. The time has really flown. I'm surprised that I've been able to stick to the post-a-day thing. If this was a paper journal, it would have stopped before the 3rd entry.  I'd like to say thank you to all of my followers for being interested in the things I have to say.  You are my motivation to continue with this, so thanks for being so amazing.  And I got my blog a present, a fancy new title banner.  It's a bit unfinished at the moment but the blog just insisted on unwrapping it early.

It's my 19th birthday today! Tonight I am going out to dinner with some friends and then we are going to watch Edward Scissorhands.  But right now I am doing laundry, with some help from C. And by some help, I mean that he is practically washing my laundry for me.  I Facebook stalked and friended him today.  He is doing math homework right now, but he might come watch Edward Scissorhands with us tonight. And now I have to study for my drugs and society midterm that's on Monday. Goodbye for now.

There was supposed to be balloons and confetti falling on you as you read this post, but there were some budget cuts and also I thought you might complain because of the mess.

What?!

First off, I'd just like to say that I'm pretty sure I aced that midterm. I find out tomorrow.

Second, I'd like to share this conversation I had with a guy in the elevator.

Random Guy: So what happened to you?
Me: My legs don't work.
Him: Oh cool!
Me thinking: Are you serious?!
Him: Have you seen Glee?
Me: No.
Him (we reached his floor): Well it was nice to meet you.

It was very bizarre.  How is it cool that my legs don't work? Seriously, who says something like that? All I can think is that by his logic, that is cool because one of the characters from Glee is in a wheelchair.  I haven't seen the show but one of my friends is a Gleek, so I know that information.

That's really all I have to say today, so goodbye.

Good News

I am eating such a delicious cookie right now, and I just realized that it's vegan, so if any of you readers are vegan and you haven't heard of the Alternative Baking Company, you should really check it out.  This is a double chocolate decadence cookie and it's amazing.  That wasn't the good news that the title of this post i referring to. It just distracted me so I had to write about it.

Yesterday I received mail from the fabulous Allison. It was my gift from her Pay it Forward 2011. This was on the envelope.  (She's Canadian.)

I opened it and I got this:

Isn't it cute? I think it's fitting that her initials spell aw, because that's what I said when I saw it.  Thank you Allison, I love it!  It's really cool that it came so close to my birthday too.

Yesterday I had my first physical therapy appointment and it went really well. I got to the point where I can straighten my legs out one at a time while sitting and I can do this thing that I call a robot walk while laying down.  It's a lot of progress, more than I've been able to do for four months, and the physical therapist said that she has absolutely no doubt that I'll be able to walk again, which is awesome.

After physical therapy, my friend came over and had dinner with me.  I had some delicious pork tenderloin with apple and raisin sauce and some mediocre broccoli and scalloped potatoes.  Then I had Snickers pie for dessert.

That evening, my floor had a bonding event where there was free ice cream and then my RA put up blank puzzle pieces cut out of paper and we colored on them.  I met a pretty cool guy who lives about 4 doors away from me.  We spent about two hours coloring on a puzzle piece and talking.  We drew the most ridiculously random things ever, including a robot, a UFO, and a guy with backwards feet and an extra set of hands and a car for a mouth.  We talked and found out that we both play guitar and piano. We were also both wearing gray Converse.  He had said that he had to write an essay so he wouldn't be able to do the event, but then he changed his mind about that since they have three different essays and they only have to do one, so he's going to do the one later instead.  Anyway, while he is spectacularly awesome and only lives a few doors away from me, his door is always closed so I can't just say hi while going past or something.  I actually have to knock on the door if I want to talk to him unless I happen to start seeing him in the hall, which I never do.  If I get brave, I'm going to leave a note on his whiteboard on the outside of his door inviting him to come to my birthday dinner/movie.  He did mention that he's never seen The Shining, so maybe I'll see if he wants to watch it with me sometime.  His name is C, so hopefully you will be hearing more about him in the future.  And by the way, he is quite attractive. That's not really my main concern but it is definitely a bonus.

I guess that all of that was good news, but the main good news that I was planning to focus on was the part about physical therapy.  Well goodbye.

Random Stuff

I almost fell asleep multiple times during my physics class this morning.  Normally I combat this by doodling in the margins of my notes, but my margins were already full from the previous day's doodlings.  My driver is training a new driver, and the new guy almost took out a bicyclist.

I have my first physical therapy appointment today.  I hope that it is actually helpful. That would be really great.  There's nothing I would like more for my birthday than the ability to walk again.

I discovered this girl yesterday on Flickr. She is amazingly creative and talented. You should go check out her work. I would share some of her photos on here but they are just too cool to allow me to save them on my computer, so you'll just have to see for yourself.

Sayonara, blogsters.

The Ultimate TV Atrocity

You can probably guess what's coming next. Jersey Shore. I have never seen it before and it is on TV right now and I cannot believe how ridiculous it is.  So far, a girl ate a raw potato, everyone acted like idiots but they weren't really acting, a girl went to the gym without wearing underwear, and then the same girl went tanning and burnt her butt so she went home and took off her pants and sat in the mini fridge.  It's only been on for about five minutes so far.  These people are so mindblowingly idiotic that it, well, blows my mind.  I think my IQ has already been lowered by it.  So apparently Snookie? Snookee? Snooky? Nicole is always drunk. Her boss at the T-shirt shop is pretty much her babysitter and she just went out for a "coffee" (shots) while at work and then went to the beach and got arrested.

In other news, I watched Mean Girls 2 last night. I do not recommend it.  Joe was pretty cool and relatable to start with (she was the protagonist), but then she became pretty much like the Plastics, even while she was attacking them. My opinion is that it wasn't great and totally a letdown if you expect it to be at all like the first one, which I enjoyed.  Joe in the beginning was awesome but later she turned out to be horrible at flag football, which she referred to as powderpuff style, and almost got beat by the Plastics.  The girl who played Mandy, the head Plastic, was a really good actress.  She made me want to punch her in the face.  I am so glad that there weren't girls like that (at least not to that extent) at my school. I would have been the equivalent of Abby, except without the cute nerdy boy having a crush on me and the other happy things that happen to her, which I don't want to spoil in case you actually plan to watch it.

And finally, Pretty Little Liars is on tonight and I am determined not to miss it.

I wanted some chocolate but I don't have any, so I ate some Skittles because they look like M&Ms. It actually worked. I'm not craving chocolate anymore, weird.

A journey into my mind

Bring a flashlight, it's probably not well lit in there. I also imagine it to be quite slippery so watch your step.

I have a lot of random thoughts twirling through my brain today so I'm going to shoot them from my fingertips and share them with you.

As you may know, I am a Christian. As such, I believe the Bible and everything it says.  Well, my mind was wandering yesterday and I somehow started thinking about the creation story.  Perhaps, I was influenced partially by Dru's imagined world of talking animals, but I came to the conclusion that in the garden of Eden, animals could talk.  This makes sense because if Eve hadn't been used to talking animals, when the Serpent spoke to her she would have been like, "Dude, this snake is talking. Something's up here. I'm going to have to talk to God about this, because that is just not normal."  However, she actually responded in this fashion (paraphrased), "Whoa, this snake that is talking to me, which is a perfectly normal thing, is probably right. I totally want to be smarter than God! I'm going to go eat some of that forbidden fruit right now."

And following the pattern of complete randomness with absolutely no logical transitions whatsoever, I will now discuss the dream that I had last night.  For some reason, my parents and I were going to Africa.  We were planning the trip and then all of a sudden we were there and we were staying in this super fancy hotel. We just skipped the airplane part and I didn't even wonder how I got to Africa when I just been in the United States, because it was a dream so this was a normal sort of thing.  For some reason, everyone in the hotel speaks only English, which I also don't find strange.  I was going to take the elevator to my room, but when the door opened, there was this really creepy guy in there and nobody else, so I acted like I didn't want to take the elevator after all.  So I waited for the next elevator and it was empty so I took it to my room. After another lack of transition, I was seated in the dining room, where there wasn't any food.  Not weird at all.  All of a sudden, my brother was sitting next to me even though he hadn't gone to Africa with us.  He started playing the piano, which in real life he can't play.  The really strange part is that there was no piano; it was still just an ordinary table, but piano music was coming out of it nonetheless and I found this in no way bizarre.  So he proceeded to play some Rammstein, just like any respectable piano player would.  Then he had to stop because some famous actress I had never heard of had to give a speech about why she was so awesome.  She was carrying around an Emmy Award, just in case anyone didn't know she was famous, I guess.  I decided that this was an excellent opportunity to be elsewhere.  I actually had to walk out of the dining room and go to the elevator, no more teleportation for me, I suppose.  I was once again the only person in the elevator.  This was not built like an ordinary elevator.  Well the inside was, but the doors were peculiar.  Instead of closing from either side or both sides, there was a door that closed from the top and one that closed from the bottom.  I got in the elevator, and pushed the button for my floor, which incidentally was two floors below the lobby.  For some strange reason, the elevator ignored my command and decided to scare me.  It shot up to the 8th floor and then waited there with the door open, even though nobody was there to get on it.  I pushed the door close button but for some reason, the door obstinately remained open. I took my finger off the button and patiently waited for the elevator to decide to close the doors when it was good and ready.  The bottom door slid up, but the top door remained open, which was slightly disconcerting as the elevator was now barely big enough for one person.  It was even more disconcerting because there was no elevator shaft at this point, just a seemingly endless drop awaiting me if I fell out.  The elevator took this opportunity to make a career change. It now tried its very best to become a yoyo. Luckily for me, this elevator had not mastered the skill of shapeshifting and remained elevator-shaped.  Unluckily, it really knew how yoyos behave and proceeded to plummet at breakneck speed then ascend at the same speed until I thought it would surely burst through the roof, which at this point I was not even sure that a roof actually existed.  It then repeated the cycle about five more times.  Luckily enough, I didn't get slammed around or fall out.  I did have adrenaline rushing like it had put off all of its shopping until the day before Christmas and my stomach seemed to keep being left either above or below where I was.  It was at this point that I made the happy discovery of that handy dandy telephone that is in most elevators in case you get stuck.  Even more exciting was the fact that when I opened the cover of the telephone so I could use it, the cover was long enough to partially cover the scary gap at the top half of the door.  I frantically used the phone and told them that the elevator was trying to kill me.  For some reason, they didn't even attempt to help me or shut down the power or anything.  Luckily for me, I woke up soon after.

You might recall that I have OCD.  Part of OCD is sometimes having unsettling thoughts that cannot be pushed from your mind, things that you would never purposely think.  While usually these come to me in the form of a powerful urge to throw myself off of things that are really high up, such as pedestrian overpasses, which I must resist with all my might, today I had a very strange and different feeling.  For some reason, all of a sudden I was certain that I was dead, not like that I had just died or something, but that I had died a while ago and was just sticking around for some reason.  My mind was pretty adamantly telling me this, but I combatted it with my excellent logical skills.  While my brain argued to me that I really had died in real life during one of my many dreams which include my death, my logic countered with the fact that if I were dead, people would probably not be able to see me or hear me, or freak out when they did see or hear me, because I would be a ghost.  Logic overpowered OCD and I confirmed the fact that I am alive.  I do realize that I now sound more insane than I ever have, but OCD does this sort of thing and this is the best explanation I can provide for someone who has not experienced it.

You know what song is pretty awesome if you're in the mood for something calm? Acoustic Alchemy by Norwegian Recycling.

I am pretty close to my 100th blog post, which is pretty crazy and will probably not be any different than the ones I always do, but it's still a milestone and I'll probably just start out with, this is my 100th blog post and that's crazy!

I really want some sweet potato fries right now. I also want some chocolate but that is for an entirely different reason.

The movie Mean Girls 2 premieres tonight on ABC Family and if I end up watching it, which I probably will, I'll review it tomorrow.

You may now leave my mind. Please exit in an orderly fashion. The gift shop is located to the right of exit.  I hope you enjoyed your tour and hope to see you again soon.

Down with the Sickness

I seem to have caught the cold that's been traveling the blogosphere.  I plan to spend today eating soup and refining shirt designs and watching TV. That's all I have to say today. Goodbye.

A unique assortment of various miscellaneous randomness

I had my doctor's appointment today. I don't want to bore you with the details, but it went great.  I had the most ginormous and deliciously filling Philly cheesteak for lunch today.  It was like someone slaughtered a cow and then put half of it on my sandwich, after cooking and seasoning it. Sorry for any mental images that might have caused my non-carnivore reader-friends.  I had to remove half of the meat before I could close the sandwich. I hardly even touched the fries.

I really want to bake cookies, but of course, I can't.  Not only do I have a tendency to burn myself while baking cookies even when I can walk, but I don't have a cookie sheet or ingredients.  I think I'll compromise by getting a delicious frozen Oreo pie thing.  And that is a compromise because I said so.

I am going to work on my shirt designs today. I do realize that it is 6:00 and it's dark out, but it still today in my mind and not tonight.

There's only one week left until my birthday!

I finally got this nifty thing called a card fob that I can scan and have certain doors open for me automatically, because I'm in a wheelchair and they finally realized how hard it is for me to open doors on my own. I haven't used it yet.  One of the two elevators in our building is broken. That means waiting forever for the elevator.  I get that there are 11 floors in this building but if you live on floor 6 or lower, you should be perfectly capable of taking the stairs.  Some people are just really lazy and wait for the elevator and then they all cram in ahead of me so I don't fit and have to wait even longer. What happened to being nice to the handicapped person? They used to hold the elevator for me if I was still 50 feet away. </rant>

There were other things I planned to say but I forgot them, so bye.

I remembered one of them! I completely forgot to mention Portlandia! I watched the first episode last night and it was hilarious. I was laughing loudly the whole time. I'm pretty sure I have seen some of those people in Portland too. It's a relatively accurate portrayal + satire. A winning combination in my book. It made me want to join an adult hide and seek league, even though that would be difficult in my wheelchair, but I can imagine that really taking off on my college campus.

Crazy Dreams

I finished writing my paper. I feel pretty good about it, even though I am not good at academic writing, but my TA who will be grading it is super awesome. I even managed to include something about how you can't drink a gallon of milk in an hour without throwing up.  My three day weekend starts tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it as always, even though I have my doctor appointment tomorrow.

And now I will discuss the strangeness of my dreams.  The first dream I can remember having was when I was five. I remember it because it was a recurring nightmare about a giant bowl of red Jello trying to eat me. I have nothing against Jello. I'm not afraid of it or anything. The red flavor is not my favorite but I don't feel like it's going to attack me for feeling that way. I almost always remember my dreams extremely vividly.  I dream in color, there is not music very often and if there is, it's not like background music or anything, it's from someone actually playing an instrument.  I usually dream like I am experiencing the things that are happening, although every once in a while, it is like I am watching myself do things from above. 

I have a lot of nightmares.  The first time I started having nightmares every single night was when I was 11 or 12. I was in the 6th grade, and I would sleepwalk.  I would have entire conversations with my mom while asleep, but with my eyes open.  She would always ask me if I was awake and I would reply that I was, but then if she said something about it in the morning, I would have no idea what she was talking about.  These nightmares always consisted of someone chasing me and trying to kill me in some way. It was never the same person or anyone I knew just someone trying to kill me.  Back then, I always woke up before I died. 

After a while of those dreams, I learned how to lucid dream.  It wasn't on purpose or anything.  I just started to be able to figure out when I was dreaming and then I could control it however I wanted.  When this first started, I would just go around telling everyone in my dream that they weren't real because I was dreaming. Then they would get mad at me and would turn them into dancing rabbits or something.  I began to progress to being able to do anything I wanted in my dreams. There was a lot of flying and eating ice cream, along with being really awesome at stuff like skateboarding, playing guitar, and walking on my hands.  It was great while it lasted.  My ability to lucid dream began to diminish and the nightmares came back.  The only thing that I could still do if I realized that I was dreaming was to try my hardest to open my eyes in the dream and then I would open my eyes in real life and wake up.  This ability started to become more difficult to use when I would open my eyes in the dream, think I was awake and lying in bed when whoever the murderer happened to be would appear in my room.  Then I would realize that I was still dreaming and try again and again until I was actually awake.  This was exhausting and I never got up in the morning fully rested. 

For a while, my mom thought that I had narcolepsy because I would be sitting there talking and fall asleep mid-sentence or be listening to metal one minute and be asleep the next.  This lasted for about a year.  I never told her what was actually happening because I didn't want to admit to anyone that it was sometimes hard for me to distinguish between dreams and reality.  I would definitely sound crazy.  For whatever reason, those dreams ceased as well and I started to have really bizarre dreams that were incredibly complex and made no sense whatsoever.  I was fine with those, but then my nightmares came back, and they were worse.  Before I always woke up before I died in my dreams, but now I didn't.  You may have heard that if you die in a dream, you die in real life.  Well, luckily that hasn't happened to me. I have died in my dreams more times than I can count but never died in real life.  The first time I died, I was decapitated at the edge of a cliff by a man with a battle axe.  I woke up immediately and I had to feel my neck and head to make sure that they were actually still connected, because it felt so real. 

That began the cycle of being murdered in my sleep every single night.  If my dreams are at all realistic, I know how it feels to die a lot of different ways.  I have been shot multiple times, burned alive, drowned, ripped in half.  One dream was particularly horrible because I was being attacked by the usual murderous stranger and he ended up shooting me once.  Then cops arrived and I was relieved, but then they raped me and then shot me until I was dead. 

I had some counseling to try to stop my nightmares, because it may seem impossible but they started getting even worse.  The counselor told me that when things happen in dreams, your body reacts just as it would if it happened in real life.  All the adrenaline was not healthy for me.  Unfortunately she couldn't find any correlation between my dreams and something that could be causing them in real life.  I found out about this dream replacement technique that worked for me for a while.  You start with something that happens in your nightmare and then rewrite it as a good dream.  You imagine it in your head for ten minutes a day as vividly as possible and then when you go to sleep, your nightmare should be replaced by the good dream you wrote.  I never actually had the dream that I wrote, but I did start having good dreams, dreams of flying and absolute freedom. 

But like I said, it only worked for me for a while.  The nightmares have come back now.  The severity of the nightmares has increased once again as well.  I had gotten used to being murdered every night, but now I have to watch as my family and friends get brutally murdered every night while knowing that there is nothing I can do to stop it.  After they get murdered, I get murdered.  I used to have up to eight of these dreams a night and would often wake up screaming and crying, and was physically ill a few times.  They have decreased now and I haven't screamed in my sleep for a while now, but I still do have nightmares.  The only thing that sometimes helps is watching scary movies.  I know that that seems completely counter-intuitive but I never watched scary movies before. One night, I was visiting my brother and we watched a scary movie.  I don't remember which one, but that night was the first night in a long time that I didn't have a nightmare.  So I watch scary movies pretty often now.  They don't always prevent my nightmares, but they do help sometimes.

Now I have to go to class. Bye.

The Frightening thing that happened to me yesterday

Yesterday the movie was canceled.  I texted H to see if he wanted to go see something else. He didn't text back but later I found out that it was because he didn't have his phone turned on.  Anyway it was probably for the best because while I was sitting on my bed and doing my homework while watching the season finale of Life Unexpected, all of a second my entire body started shaking violently. It only lasted for about 30 seconds but I was really scared. It seemed like I had a seizure. Paramedics were called and decided that it most likely wasn't a seizure but tremors, whatever that means.  I didn't go to the hospital and I felt pretty normal, but today I noticed that I've developed a twitch or tic that I didn't have yesterday. It happened a lot today. My leg will jerk and my eye will twitch at the same time.  I have a doctor's appointment on Friday, so I'll see what they have to say.  I'm sorry to report that I don't have any movie reviews for you guys, but I'm sure that you can understand why. 

I learned some interesting stuff in class today. One of the things I learned was that back in the day, tobacco was considered a wonder drug and it was common to blow smoke in the face of a newborn baby in order to help it be healthy. Pretty crazy. I think that there was something from Physics too, but I can't remember. It wasn't important enough to put in my notes, just interesting. That's another thing that's really obnoxious. I forget so many things. I used to have a really great memory. When I was a little kid, I had a photographic memory.  Now I have to write myself notes to remember things. 

I have a book recommendation for you: Dean Koontz's Frankenstein. I just started it but so far it's really great and I am confident that I will continue to enjoy it.  Just don't read it if you can't stand descriptions of gore and dismemberment; don't say I didn't warn you. Now I am off to write that three page paper that's due tomorrow.

In which I once again discuss my plans for the day

I actually don't have a movie review today, but there will be at least one tomorrow, because tonight I am going to see Rare Exports with H.  I'm looking forward to it. That's at 7:30. I only had one class today, so I am about to take a nap and then I plan to watch the newest episode of Pretty Little Liars, since for some reason it aired at 7 instead of 8, so I missed it.  Tonight is the season finale of Life Unexpected and I will watch that tomorrow, because it's on at the same time we're going to see the movie tonight.  I also plan to write my drugs and society paper, for reals this time, maybe, and set up doctor appointments/physical therapy.

I guess that I'll tell you about the dream I had last night. In this dream, I had had two sisters and they had both been murdered. I was trying to figure out who the killer was because I knew that he would kill me next.  Somehow I did some super skillful detective work and figured out who it was, but when I tried to dial 911 into my phone, it didn't work. I kept dialing 991 or 01911 or 991911, so I had to drive to the police station to tell them who the murderer was. I did that and then there was this random guy in my car who was about my age. He started flirting with me and then he got out a gun. What can I say, this guy really knew how to get the ladies. He didn't shoot me and then for some reason I found out that he was moving in with my parents and I. Somehow that seemed completely normal for me, along with the fact that he would have to sleep in my bed. After that, we were like the best of friends. It was very very strange. Then my alarm went off and I got up and got ready for class. This dream was weird for me partially because I wasn't forced to watch the murderer kill my sisters, who don't actually exist in real life, and partially because I wasn't brutally murdered. I don't even consider it a nightmare, just strange. Have I told you about my nightmares yet? If not, I'll do a post about them sometime soon.

It turns out that Rare Exports is no longer playing, so I texted H to see if he wants to see something else.  In other news, I took a wonderful nap, watched Pretty Little Liars, and set up a doctor's appointment. It's been a pretty productive day. Now to eat some lunch. It's 4:00 and I am hungry. Did I mention that I really hate being put on hold? There was elevator music, then classical music that sounded like it was being destroyed by a tornado and then I got to listen to someone describing the dangers of the flu.

I got a fruit and yogurt parfait with granola and some roasted garlic hummus with pita bread. Yum.

Don't cry over spilt milk

I am loving this four day weekend. I slept until noon today. I didn't sit down until 4:00, because I wanted to be able to get stuff done, so I didn't want my legs to stop working. I managed to shower, do my dishes, and take out the trash and recycling. Feeling rather accomplished and about to eat my breakfast and catch up on my blog reading, I had poured myself a bowl of milk and cereal. There was hardly any milk left in the carton, so I decided to drink it instead of putting it back in the fridge. Somehow I managed to spill it all over the floor, while luckily not getting any on my clothes. So I scrubbed the carpet with Lysol wipes before it could soak in. I have no idea what real grownups would do in my situation, probably not spill their milk in the first place, but that seemed like the best way to clean it to me. Then I sat down and ate my cereal and now my legs have stopped working.  It's kind of weird that the sun is setting and I have barely even started my day.  Today I plan to write my three page paper and list all of the channels on TV so I can hopefully figure out which one is ABC Family before 8:00 so I can watch Pretty Little Liars instead of having to wait until tomorrow to watch it on the Internet like I did last week. 

Movie review time! Last night I watched three movies: Orphan, 13 Going on 30, and I think that the third one was called Drive Me Crazy.  None of them were horrible, so that was good. Orphan gets 5 out of 5 stars for being able to still freak me out just as much as it did the first time I watched it.  I don't really have a lot to say about it other than the girl who played Esther is an amazing actress and that the scene in the very beginning was really freaky.

13 Going on 30 was pretty good. I give it a 3 out of 5.  The ending was sort of confusing, but I am glad that Jenna learned that there's more to life than being popular.

Drive Me Crazy is a movie from the 90's.  It also deals with the theme of popularity. I give it a 3 out of 5 as well, mainly for the fact that I understand that the movie was made in the 90's but I don't want to listen to boy bands.

Well I'm off to enjoy/use wisely my last day before I go back to classes.

Um...

I think that I went on a date this morning. My friend John said he wanted to hang out this weekend and we went to breakfast this morning. He paid. I felt kind of bad because I got chai but it was ridiculously spicy so I hardly drank any of it. I had cinnamon french toast. Then we went back to my room and attempted to watch Orphan, but it was taking forever to buffer, so we watched some cliffjumping videos made by some of the people who went to my high school. These guys are crazy (but not literally). If you want to watch them, click here.  Then we went to the bookstore and I meant to get the other book I need for my drugs and society class, but they were all out, so I ordered it. John said to let him know when it comes in and he'll take me to get it and we can get lunch too. He took me back to my dorm and left.  I didn't get my book, but I did get some AAA batteries and a sewing kit, since I seem to have misplaced my sewing needle.

Now I am still waiting for Orphan to finish buffering so I can watch it. I have seen it before, but I missed the beginning and the rest was good enough to watch again.

Last night I watched two movies. The first was Stranger than Fiction.  I was really excited when I saw that title, since I have been wanting to watch it for a while now, but couldn't remember what it was called.  I give it 4.5 out of 5 stars, only because I feel like I've been handing out a lot of five star scores lately.  It is a wonderful examination into the worth of life and how the choices we make affect us.  At least that's the meaning I got out of it. The story itself is quite interesting and the narration adds a lot to the story.

After that I watched Bedtime Stories, since it seemed like a good movie to watch before going to bed.  It gets a 4 out 5, partially because I laughed so hard and so often that by the time it was over, my stomach hurt pretty bad.  It was a really good movie.   Earlier on in the film he tells the children that in real life there are no happy endings.  The thing that I seem to critique the most is endings, and this one was all too perfect.  While it was perfect it was also kind of nice that Skeeter finally got what he had worked toward for his entire life, what he didn't imagine was possible, a happy ending.

Today I made this:

I used scraps from my t-shirt that I cut-up, a spare button from my new coat, blue thread, a safety pin, and scraps I cut from a sock that returned from the dryer without a mate. I really like how it turned out and it goes well with my coat, since the button was a spare for this coat.

I just downloaded Gimp and it is awesome!

I'm feeling artsy

So last night I watched Bridge to Terabithia. It was such a good movie! Winner of my rare 5 out of 5 stars rating. I loved the animation at the beginning. The fact that Zooey Deschanel was in it didn't hurt, since she's my favorite actress. Annasophia Robb was phenomenal as Leslie. I don't know what else to say, it was just a really good movie, although a bit sad. I wish that it was longer, it seemed like it was over too soon.

I woke up this morning feeling artistic. With metal playing softly in the background (weird, I know), I looked up nearby tattoo and piercing places. Pierced Hearts sounds great, not a single negative review and everyone says it really clean and a great place to go for your first tattoo or your 10th. I am not at all nervous about getting a tattoo. I have had blood drawn so many times that I don't mind needles at all. I really want to get an industrial piercing on my left ear. I also really really want to get part of my tattoo done, probably the phoenix first, but I definitely don't have enough money for that right now, so for now I will have to be content with designing it.

I'll probably post my ideas throughout the day as I come up with them.

Here's what I have come up with so far.

this head/neck only with more flames

(it used to be a peacock)

this wing position

these feet/feather flames

these falling sparks

There's no place like home/Pay it forward

First of all, I'm really sorry for not posting anything yesterday. In case I worried anyone, I am not dead or hospitalized. You will find out why I didn't post in a little bit. It is so windy today that I feel like a tornado is going to carry my entire 11 floor dorm building off to Oz. Yesterday started out like any other day. I got up, showered, went to class. When I got back from class, something was very different. Neither one of the elevators was working. I pushed the up button and as soon as I let go the light went off, so I pushed it about ten more times. Then I got the genius idea to hold it down until the elevator came. After about five minutes of holding down the button, I faced the reality that the elevators were not coming. I turned around and saw one of the janitors, so I let him know that the elevators were broken. He insisted that one of them was broken, but they had fixed the other one. He proceeded to prove to me that one of them worked. After another five minutes he realized that I was correct. Then he said, well the elevators have to work or you can't get upstairs. I explained that that was the problem. Since the ground floor and the first floor of my dorm are connected to another dorm, I wheeled over to use their elevators so I could get to the first floor and get some lunch.  I had about an hour to kill until my next class. While I was out in the hall waiting for the previous class to get out, I called my friend to see if I could stay with her until our elevators got fixed. She said sure. After class, I got a ride to her dorm building and she apologized for not being able to entertain me since she had to work on her art project. I said it was fine, since I had a book to read. After a while, we went over to a different dorm building to get dinner and then she went back to work on her project.  I hung out with some friends who live in that dorm building who I hadn't seen in a while. We watched Monsters vs. Aliens and then they wheeled me back up the hill to the friend I was staying with.  She lives in a small room with two roommates. I was planning to sleep on the floor. One of her roommates was going to have her friend stay the night without telling her about it before the friend showed up. This would have been okay, since the third roommate was believed to be staying somewhere else that night. The roommate went to bed and then her friend fell asleep in the third roommate's bed.  About an hour later, the third roommate came back and started getting ready for bed. We let her know that someone was already sleeping in her bed. She was really cool about it and got out her sleeping bag and slept on the floor too. The floor was not comfortable. I did sleep until noon though.  I woke up and showered and then my friend had to go to class and she was going home afterward. I tried to call to get a ride back to my dorm since my roommate had texted me that the elevators were fixed. They didn't answer the phone. I sat in the dorm lounge and read for a little while and then called again. I got a ride set up for 3:45. I would have to wait for three hours, but I could deal with that. I finished my book within the first hour and then the only thing I had left to do was read my sociology book. I read that for the next 2 hours and now I'm way ahead in the reading for that class.  I got back and the elevators did work so I got some breakfast/lunch/dinner and went up to my room and now I'm typing this.  It was kind of weird that I wasn't even hungry when I didn't eat anything today until 5:00. Now I have a delicious salad that has grapes, dried apples, candied walnuts, dried cranberries, and balsamic vinaigrette. It was worth the wait.

The elevator in Mccarty hall, where my friend lives, are really old and really scary.  When the door closes, you can hear it lock, and then if you don't push the button for your floor at least ten times, it will just sit there and be locked and you feel like someone is going to pump in poisonous gas any second.  We didn't get stuck in the elevators or gassed, but it was pretty scary.  When I was waiting for my ride today, there were some guys in the lounge playing ping pong and some others playing pool. I wouldn't have been surprised if I got hit or almost hit with a ping pong ball. Those things are ridiculously bouncy. I was surprised when I almost got hit with a pool ball, especially since the pool table was about 20 feet away from where I was sitting and pool balls usually don't come off the table (except when my Dad plays). 

And now comes my exciting news! When I was eating my lunch yesterday I texted H to see if he wanted to go see Rare Exports (the extra-credit movie) with me on Tuesday. Not only did he say yes, but also when I asked him how he feels about sneaking in our own snacks, he said that's the only way to go to a movie. So now I have a 4-day weekend with plans to hang out with a friend tomorrow and hopefully have him help me buy books for my classes. I have to write a three page paper before next Friday, but that will be easy and I plan on finishing ahead of time.

Cut-up Shirt

In case you didn't know, there is snow in 49 states, including Hawaii! The only one without snow is Florida. It snowed a lot here last night, but by this morning it had all turned to slush so classes weren't canceled.

I saw this on the Tsaritsa's blog and I've been planning to do it for a while now. You take a shirt that is too big and cut it up to make it fit better, and it looks pretty cool.  The link to her post, which contains the link to the video of Kat Von D explaining how to do it is here. I got this shirt before I started my freshman year of college at a yard sale for 25 cents. I knew it was too big, but it was only a quarter and for a while I have been wearing it for pajamas. Anyway, like I mentioned, I saw that post and thought it looked cool, so now I did it. Let me tell you, it is a lot harder than it looks. My first tip is do not wear a shirt of a contrasting color if you will be using your lap as the place to set the shirt instead of a table. I was wearing a black shirt and I ended up with what I affectionately refer to as shirt crumbs completely covering it. They were also all over my bed and I had to try to clean them up with duct tape for a makeshift lint roller.  It took a lot longer than I thought it would, but it wouldn't have taken as long if I had cut thicker strips.  Now that I'm finished, I realized that I should have probably cut the strips longer, but I'm not going to fix it now. Enjoy these pictures that just happen to be fantastic examples of why I will never ever be a model. It was made even harder because of the fact that I used my webcam to take the pictures so I'm trying to hide my wireless mouse, which I had to click to take the pictures, in all of them.

What's over there?

looking over my shoulder

fierce

so-tired-of-none-of-the-pictures-turning

out-well eye roll of boredom

intimidating? impatient? I don't know either

oh hey, I'm looking over my shoulder again

just noticed this picture makes me look like I have

a farmer's tan, but I'm not tan at all

um, model pose?

I look like I probably have a dangerous weapon in my other

hand and I'm about to badly injure my webcam

So I did that yesterday, but first I had dinner with my friend Jessica. We had a good conversation and yummy food. Then we came up to my room and watched a movie and ate jalapeno cashew brittle and I worked on my shirt. I showed her my blog while the movie was buffering and she really liked it, which was cool, since I've never shown it to anyone I know in real life.  We watched a movie called Carriers. I wouldn't recommend it. It's not very different from any other the-human-race-is-being-wiped-out-by-a-deadly-virus movie and the ending was really depressing.  After that, it started snowing and she left before it piled up too much, because she had to walk all of the way back across campus to get to her dorm. I watched Click. I do not recommend it either. It was confusing, the jokes were lame, and it was depressing. The only good part was the end.

Today in my Finnish culture and literature class, which is a super awesome class, the professor invited us all to go watch a good movie for extra credit, lots of extra credit.  It is by a Finnish film maker and it is called Rare Exports. The best part is that we get .25 added to our GPA for going. She told us we can bring friends and since the only way I can get there is by having a friend push me, (the theater is pretty close but uphill), I am going to see if H wants to go with me. It has been a while since I've been to a movie in a theater and I'm looking forward to it. I love sneaking in my own junk food so I don't have to pay crazy theater prices. I usually get things that they sell at movies, so that the people who work there won't be suspicious if they see me eating it. Too bad it's impossible to sneak in popcorn, haha. One time, between my friend and I, we snuck in ice cream, Oreos, Mike n Ikes, Pocky, and Nerds. The movie is next Tuesday at 7:30.

In other news, I meant to share with you the homework assignment that I got from my Drugs and Society class. I am supposed to smell aspirin and look at grapes. Pretty wacky. Now I'm going to bed, so goodnight blogsters.

Shameless Self Promotion

Guess what everyone? My birthday is on January 28th. I am turning 19 (I know, I'm a youngster) and I think it would be really cool if I had 19 followers by then. So if you like my blog, tell a friend about it please. Thank you.

And to balance out that shameless self promotion, I am going to do some shameless shelf promotion. Check out this shelf.

That's a pretty cool shelf. It looks like a tree and you can put stuff on it. It serves a dual purpose, art and storage/display. You could use it for trinkets or books or movies or trophies, the possibilities are nearly endless.

Now for the actual interesting? part. This morning I poked myself in the eye with my mascara brush. It hurt really really bad. It's also really weird to think that I did that because I'm becoming an actual girl and wearing makeup and trying to dress cute. It's still strange to me. I just realized that I only had one class today. That was pretty exciting, because I thought that I had two, but I only had one and I'm already finished with it.

Sometime soon, I'm going to try reconstructing a t-shirt like the Tsaritsa. She's awesome and it looks pretty easy and cool. You should go check out her blog. It's great. Just click this right here. I am also going to learn how to solve my 4x4 Rubik's Cube.

Last night, I watched Carrie with my roommate. ATTENTION: PROCEED WITH CAUTION, SPOILERS GALORE!  I swear that galore is a word, but after typing it, it just looks strange. Oh well. I actually didn't like the movie very much. Aside from the full-frontal nudity in the beginning that was completely unnecessary, the storyline was great, since Stephen King wrote it, so what do you expect. The end doesn't seem finished. I want to read the book to see if it ends the same way. It seemed like there either should have been more or they should have cut it off after the house burns down. Carrie's mom is insane! I couldn't stand her, especially when she had not only not told Carrie about the existence of periods, but also accused her of sinning when she got it. She said that she wouldn't have gotten a period if she hadn't sinned, like Carrie isn't already embarassed enough, she has to be ashamed too.  I especially hated it when Carrie's mom made her go in the closet. The teacher was so ridiculously two-faced that I wanted to hit her. I felt really sorry for Carrie because her entire school was completely horrible. I can't believe that they would laugh at her after she got pig blood dumped on here. Tommy was the only truly nice person in the whole movie and then he died which was lame. I give it a 2 out of 5. I would not watch it again. The storyline was great, the characters were mostly awful, and the repetitiveness was annoying, especially, "They're all gonna laugh at you. They're all gonna laugh at you. They're all gonna laugh at you. They're all gonna laugh at you. They're all gonna laugh at you."

Since my birthday is coming up, I'm going to make a wish list of the stuff I want, even though I probably won't get any of it.

 these shoes

these shoes

these earrings

an industrial piercing

these earrings

these earrings

Also, my tattoo, which I haven't designed yet and do not have money for.

Yesterday was good

As you may recall, last night I had dinner with H. I'm honestly not sure if it was a date or not.
Reasons it was not a date: his roommate came along
Reasons it was a date: He let me wear his hat since I forgot mine, he pushed me all the way to Subway which is up a long hill, he was "dancing with me" by pushing my wheelchair around obstacles while singing (it's hard to explain, but it was cute), although he didn't pay he did offer to pay (I feel weird letting other people pay for me when I can afford to pay for myself), I'm pretty sure that he would have given me a hug if not a kiss goodnight if his roommate wasn't with him.

Now that I've listed everything out, I think that it may have been a date. Regardless of whether it was or not, it was really fun. When we got behind slow people, he ran to pass them on the crosswalks and made racecar noises. That kind of sounds immature but it was funny. When I'm with him, I feel like I can say or do anything and he won't think poorly of me. Last night was good because it gave me time to have fun and not have to worry about stuff like doctors and my parents.

Update: I completely forgot that I planned to do a movie review, so here it is. If, like me, you are way behind on popular movies and have not seen Disturbia yet, I suggest that you do so immediately.  Well, I mean if you're in some sort of life-threatening situation, you should probably deal with that before seeing Disturbia. And if you are in a life-threatening situation, why are reading my blog right now? Shouldn't you be trying to survive?! Anyway, after my date(?) last night, I watched Disturbia with only some white chocolate raspberry truffle ice cream to keep me company. It is the second movie that has ever made me jump. The first was Orphan. Normally, while watching scary movies/thrillers, I just laugh while everyone else is completely freaked out. The only movies that I can get scared by are the ones that could legitimately happen. I'm not saying that they are extremely likely to happen, just that it's more likely than being attacked by alien zombie demons.  Anyway, Disturbia was a really great movie. If you haven't seen it, stop reading now. There will be spoilers.





This seems like a safe distance.


I really liked the creepy serial killer guy. Actually, let me rephrase, the creepy serial killer guy was perfect for the part. I actually loathed him, since he's a serial killer and I'm not fond of them.  Anyway, he was really good at appearing out of nowhere silently and the part where he got in the girl's car was really creepy. When he appeared in front of the car, that's the part that made me jump.  The bodies in the water were a very nice unexpected touch. Well, now I sound like I'm morbid. What I mean is that they weren't necessary but they really contributed to the this-serial-killer-guy-is-a-total-freak factor.  I give Disturbia a 4 out of 5. It would have gotten a 5 out of 5 but they insisted on having a happy ending. I'm not saying that I wished the characters had been murdered, just that the mom would have likely been killed instead of just tied up. He really had no reason not to kill her.  It would have been more realistic, since he's obviously into killing people. I think that he probably would have killed her after slamming her head into the wall. Then, the ending would be sad, but at least the teens would have each other and it would have been more realistic.

I also watched Bandslam. That was the day before yesterday. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone unless they're into indie music and shallow movie plots. The ending was more realistic than Disturbia's ending, but Bandslam gets only 1 star out of 5.  I was especially annoyed by people headbanging to indie music, seriously not okay.

Dinner Tonight with H

I'm looking forward to 6:00, because that is when I'm having dinner with H.  My friend yesterday told me that if he pays, it's a date, so I guess that's the only way to know. I need to get a friend to come help me do my laundry and wash my dishes, two more things that I cannot do on my own. No success yet, but I am going to keep trying. That's all I have to say today. I'll leave you with this thought-provoking question from the random surrealism generator: "Do you mind if I yell at your woolly mammoth?" Well, do you? Also, where did you get a woolly mammoth? I thought they were extinct. Do you have an exotic pet license?

Carpe Diem

So yesterday I wasn't able to do my errands, but I will get them done today. I am also having lunch with one of my friends that I haven't seen for a while. She graduated recently and she's going to take me to do errands too. What I did accomplish yesterday after the post was: discovered a couple of cool blogs via StumbleUpon, painted half of my fingernails, tried to fix my shirt design in Photoshop (today I'm going to try it in Illustrator), made a list of some movies that sound really interesting, watched a movie called Brick which wasn't really my kind of movie but was pretty good anyway (3 out of 5 stars, too much drug/gang stuff for my liking), got woken up at what must have been 3 or 4 in the morning by my neighbors playing pop music way too loud, and asked H to have dinner with me.  Usually when I ask him if he wants to come over and watch a movie or something, if he already has plans, he just says that he has plans. However yesterday, he said that he wanted to have dinner with me but he has plans and would I be free for dinner this weekend. So I'm having dinner with him either today or tomorrow which I'm pretty excited about, even though I'm pretty sure it's not a date. But I want to look cute anyway, which is quite honestly something that I've never said in my entire life, ever. So I'm going to wear a long sleeved gray and white striped shirt with a fitted vest over it that is white and sort of lacy but not really (I don't know terms for fashion things), jeans, probably my brown boots because my Converse all all pretty dirty, and my red jacket that I think is called a peacoat but I'm most likely wrong about that. Also, I'm buying makeup today, so hopefully I can figure out how to use it before dinner. I have used makeup before, but just eyeshadow and I have never figured out how eyeliner and mascara work. If it turns out well, I'll post pictures of the results. Farewell comrades.

Update: I went and did my errands and had a fantastic lunch and am too full for dinner. I didn't wear a warm enough coat because my winter coat gets feathers all over my clothes and it bugs me. We went to Buffalo Exchange, which is an upscale thrift store and I found the perfect gray wool coat. The crazy thing is that it's by Tulle, which just happened to be the brand of the red jacket I was wearing. I got the other jacket at Goodwill and it is by far my favorite, but not warm enough right now. I also got makeup and I think I did a pretty good job with it. Here's a bunch of pictures I took of me wearing makeup and my outfit for dinner with H, which I think is tomorrow, since he didn't call today.

I love this hat that I got for Christmas, debating about wearing it to my dinner.

close-up shot of my eye

my white vest thing, I think that I look sophisticated in this picture

the grey coat I got today, not sure whether I want to

wear it to dinner or the red one to add some color

the coat again, trying to look modelly and failing, that's probably not even a word

And now I get to download music from Itunes with the card I got for Christmas. Yay, I love music so much.

Making Crop Circles with Al Gore

That is one of the few things that I do not need to do today. I do need to call my friend and see if she will take me to run some errands and then maybe stick around and help me do laundry. I am incapable of doing my own laundry now. It is slightly pathetic. I also need to get a bus pass, send some mail, buy the rest of my books for this quarter, try to sell back my old books, work on my t-shirt and figure out how to import a vector into Photoshop without it becoming pixelated, possibly see if H wants to get dinner with me but probably not. So far today I have accomplished the following: eat breakfast, get dressed, poke a smaller hole in my belt because it's my favorite belt that I always wear but it's too big, regain my sanity, put nail polish on the insides of my rings that I quit wearing because they made my skin change colors so I can wear them again, thought about possible plans for my birthday party, started playing Tetris Friends on Facebook and beat my roommate's boyfriend at it about six times and then he quit, and decided to start wearing makeup. So off I go to do busy things. Goodbye.

Stumbled upon this awesome video. It reminded me of when I was home for summer and it was really hot and my mom and I got a bag of popsicles and gave them to all of the people we saw doing road work. It feels good to help others. I hope you enjoy this video as much as I did.


Bad Bad World from Guster on Vimeo.

Caught beneath a landslide with a champagne supernova in the sky

Sometimes my random surrealism generator is disappointing, but today it said this, "On the fifth day of Christmas, my tasteless love sent to me; five nice and cosy duvet covers! Four freakish trenchcoats, three brightly-glowing pigeons, two indigo denim jackets and a cave painting in a bacon roll." I was pleased.

I am not doing a word of the day today, nor will it continue to be a daily thing. If I happen to have a certain word that I really love, I'll share it. But right now, the word of the day has become a lot less interesting than it was to start with.

Yesterday post-blogpost (see what I did there?), I was feeling pretty depressed. I decided that being paralyzed sucks and I hate not being able to go out with friends. Being in a wheelchair makes me feel so insecure. I had just started feeling confident about myself before my legs stopped working and now I am not very confident at all. I can fake it okay, but I'm really insecure. Anyway, I was in a very bad mood and felt like crying or punching a wall, but since I knew that wouldn't help, I texted H. He didn't text back until this morning, but I was still in a bad mood this morning so it was good. Do you have a person who can make you smile just by receiving a text from them, no matter what it says? Well, H does that for me. He is such a sweetheart. He sent me like 14 texts that were really nice and encouraging, but I wasn't done feeling sorry for myself yet, so I was kind of rude. Well not really rude, but I did give him a bunch of reasons why this totally sucks and how I'm tired of being optimistic. Anyway, I had to go to class after that and it was my discussion section for my drugs and society class. The T.A.'s name is Jason and he is hilarious. It was the first time I had that class this quarter, so we did the normal tell us your name, year, and something about yourself thing. Well my something about myself was that my legs have been paralyzed for three months and nobody knows why. Jason was pretty surprised. He's legally blind, so he couldn't see my wheelchair. After class, when I was waiting for my ride, Jason came over and talked to me. He told me about how he was diagnosed with a brain tumor two days after graduating from college. He had surgery and now he's legally blind and epileptic, and he had to relearn how to walk. Now he's in his third year of grad school and he's my favorite TA or professor so far. He's really funny and makes discussing the readings really interesting.  He told me to let him know if I ever need any help and that I'm an inspiration to him! I didn't tell him this, but he really inspired me. It was just what I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself. When I got back from class, I texted H and let him know that I was in a good mood again and about my TA and thanked him for being there for me. I also let him know that after rereading his texts after my attitude change, I really appreciate them.  He's so great and I can't not like him as more than a friend. Sorry for the double negative, but I felt it was necessary. I wanted to ask him if he's doing anything tonight and then invite him over to watch a movie with me, but I'm afraid that if I do, I'll do something stupid like hold his hand or something, and then things will be awkward. I'm pretty sure he still likes me as just a friend. He would tell me if he changed his mind, wouldn't he? I haven't had a whole lot of experience with guys, so I don't know. And I have one more question, do you think I'm pretty? Well, do you think I'm at least not unattractive? The only people who have ever told me I'm pretty were my parents, and I feel like they're supposed to say that, whether it's true or not. Sometimes I feel like I'm somewhat attractive, but I don't know if other people feel the same way. I don't wear makeup and I often wear guy's clothes. I don't know why I'm asking this. I'm pretty sure that the reason H likes me as just a friend is not because I'm not pretty. That would be shallow, and he can't possibly be shallow. He's way too nice. I don't know, what about a girl makes a guy think of her as more than just a friend? I've had mostly guy friends for my entire life and I still never learned this stuff, so if some guys would give me their thoughts on this, I'd appreciate it.

Maybe I'm not girly enough. We did meet hacky sacking and I like listening to metal. I prefer action movies over chick flicks. I know I sound ridiculous, but this blog sometimes serves as a place for me to think things through out loud and then other people read them, and I'm okay with that since I don't know any of those people in real life and sometimes they feel the same way about stuff and then it's a relief to know that I'm not the only one. Thanks for reading this ridiculous jumbled thought process mess anyway.

On a completely unrelated note, one of the guys in my drugs and society class looks exactly like one of my friends from high school.

And now this is the part that I actually planned to write and the reason for the title I chose for this post.  It will probably be boring, but I found it interesting. In my physics class, we learned about how stars die. If they're really small, when they get old they turn into lead. If they're really huge, they can form a black hole that sucks everything near it into a singularity.  If they're medium sized, they explode and it's called a supernova. Wow, this would have been a really short post if I had only written that.