Tales from the Porch

On Monday I fully intended to go out and get IMPORTANT STUFF done, including finding a flapper dress at Goodwill for G's friend's wedding, which we just found out is 20s themed.  But then social phobia had other plans, so instead I stayed inside and listed jewelry in my Etsy shop all day and talked to exactly no people.  Yesterday, social phobia was gone again and I went out and got IMPORTANT STUFF done, not including flapper dress shopping, but including picking up job applications.  When I got back my room was dreadfully hot so I put my stuff away and went to the breezy shady front porch to do my job applications.  And then there were people on the porch.  It was Old Drunk Guy and Supposedly Anti-social Guy.  I said hi and then tackled my job applications like a boss.  Then I started to eat my peach that I had purchased from Safeway as a refreshing summer treat.  And you guys, it tasted like a bland juiceless apple.  I was so disappointed!  I couldn't even finish half of it before having to throw it away.  I think that Supposedly Anti-social Guy has a crush on me.  For one thing, when he first got to the porch, he was carrying his own chair.  But then he put it down on the other side of the porch and sat in the chair right next to me instead.  He talked to me a lot.  He told lots of really corny jokes, many which I had heard before, but I laughed politely anyway.  Some of them were corny but actually pretty good wordplay so I actually liked them.  He asked me what music I like and he heartily approved.  Then he asked me which authors I enjoy and I told him that Dean Koontz is my favorite.  He said he likes him too and recommended Teri Pratchet (I have no idea if I spelled that right and my laptop is being too slow to Bing it right now), so I'll check her out at some point.  He offered me beer, which I politely declined, then later rum, which I also declined.  He asked me if I had a fake ID because he and some of the other people who live in the building were going to a karaoke thing, but it's 21 and over.  I do not have a fake ID.  I am just 5 months short of 21, but probably could not even remotely pass for 21.  I look closer to 18 or maybe even 16.  Supposedly I will appreciate this when I'm older but right now I do not.  I met some other house people, one of the two other females in the house of about 30 people, who invited me to a movie night she's having in her room soon.  One guy who is nicknamed Captain America.  One guy who Old Drunk Guy was teasing about not having chest hair and then No Chest Hair Dude went on to tell everyone about how he shaves all of his body hair including manscaping.  (Note that he was also not drinking at all.)  So that was a little bit too much information for everyone.  Then we heard about the frat next door having one of their hookahs stolen.  That whole thing got resolved after the frat guy came over and asked to talk to our building manager, who then watched their poor quality security footage of someone climbing over the at least 6 foot tall fence, grabbing the hookah and then climbing back over the fence with it.  It turns out that it wasn't even one of the people in our building.  One of the guys in our building dared his very drunk friend to do it, so he did.  They gave it back with some beers and then the frat guys were happy again.

Today started out with having to call DSHS at 8 because I never received my food stamps this month.  I had to wait on hold for a while, but then they told me that a paper I sent them was never recorded.  They had the paper, so it was an easy fix, and I'll get my food stamps tomorrow.  That was followed by checking my email and finding out that I made my 8th Etsy sale!  That always puts me in a happy mood for the rest of the day at the very least.  Today is my (hopefully last) periodontist follow-up appointment.  From my new place, I don't even have to transfer busses to get there!  So what was once a two hour or longer round-trip, not including the actual check-up time, will now be about an hour.  So that's really exciting.  And then we I get back,  I'll ship the Etsy order and turn in my job applications.  And lastly, since you were so good and read the whole thing, here are some random pictures.

My mother is amazing at plant stuff. Our big old tree died and got cut down,
so she turned the stump into an awesome planter for flowers!

When I was 12, I was in a biker gang.  No, just kidding, my mom's relative visited from Michigan and we took her to this viewpoint
where you can see Mt. St. Helens, and all of these bikers pulled up and parked.  They were headed to a biker rally on the other side of the country and stopped in here to eat and walk around a bit and use the restroom and all that jazz.  This particular bike belonged to an ex-firefighter and he had scenes of 9-11 painted on every single part of his bike.  It was amazing.  And he let me sit on it!
Later that year, we saw him on it in our parade and he recognized me and gave me a hug.

another really cool plant thing, our family friend painted all these flowerpots the same color, then drilled a hole in each flowerpot, then put a big piece of rebar through them all and planted flowers in them. The top one is a birdbath.  I love how whimsical it looks.

Happy Easter!

I have been getting the hiccups so much today.  I've had them at list six times.  It's getting annoying.  I got a decapitated chocolate bunny at Safeway and I named it Fred.  All of their chocolate bunnies were on sale because they were all decapitated.  It's fine with me.  I usually eat animal shaped foods head first so they won't be in pain.  You're welcome, animal crackers.  I hate it when people type Viola instead of Voila.  It's one of my pet peeves. Why does Rebecca Black have to go to the bus stop and wait for the bus when her friends are going to come pick her up anyway? </incoherence and rambling>

A journey into my mind

Bring a flashlight, it's probably not well lit in there. I also imagine it to be quite slippery so watch your step.

I have a lot of random thoughts twirling through my brain today so I'm going to shoot them from my fingertips and share them with you.

As you may know, I am a Christian. As such, I believe the Bible and everything it says.  Well, my mind was wandering yesterday and I somehow started thinking about the creation story.  Perhaps, I was influenced partially by Dru's imagined world of talking animals, but I came to the conclusion that in the garden of Eden, animals could talk.  This makes sense because if Eve hadn't been used to talking animals, when the Serpent spoke to her she would have been like, "Dude, this snake is talking. Something's up here. I'm going to have to talk to God about this, because that is just not normal."  However, she actually responded in this fashion (paraphrased), "Whoa, this snake that is talking to me, which is a perfectly normal thing, is probably right. I totally want to be smarter than God! I'm going to go eat some of that forbidden fruit right now."

And following the pattern of complete randomness with absolutely no logical transitions whatsoever, I will now discuss the dream that I had last night.  For some reason, my parents and I were going to Africa.  We were planning the trip and then all of a sudden we were there and we were staying in this super fancy hotel. We just skipped the airplane part and I didn't even wonder how I got to Africa when I just been in the United States, because it was a dream so this was a normal sort of thing.  For some reason, everyone in the hotel speaks only English, which I also don't find strange.  I was going to take the elevator to my room, but when the door opened, there was this really creepy guy in there and nobody else, so I acted like I didn't want to take the elevator after all.  So I waited for the next elevator and it was empty so I took it to my room. After another lack of transition, I was seated in the dining room, where there wasn't any food.  Not weird at all.  All of a sudden, my brother was sitting next to me even though he hadn't gone to Africa with us.  He started playing the piano, which in real life he can't play.  The really strange part is that there was no piano; it was still just an ordinary table, but piano music was coming out of it nonetheless and I found this in no way bizarre.  So he proceeded to play some Rammstein, just like any respectable piano player would.  Then he had to stop because some famous actress I had never heard of had to give a speech about why she was so awesome.  She was carrying around an Emmy Award, just in case anyone didn't know she was famous, I guess.  I decided that this was an excellent opportunity to be elsewhere.  I actually had to walk out of the dining room and go to the elevator, no more teleportation for me, I suppose.  I was once again the only person in the elevator.  This was not built like an ordinary elevator.  Well the inside was, but the doors were peculiar.  Instead of closing from either side or both sides, there was a door that closed from the top and one that closed from the bottom.  I got in the elevator, and pushed the button for my floor, which incidentally was two floors below the lobby.  For some strange reason, the elevator ignored my command and decided to scare me.  It shot up to the 8th floor and then waited there with the door open, even though nobody was there to get on it.  I pushed the door close button but for some reason, the door obstinately remained open. I took my finger off the button and patiently waited for the elevator to decide to close the doors when it was good and ready.  The bottom door slid up, but the top door remained open, which was slightly disconcerting as the elevator was now barely big enough for one person.  It was even more disconcerting because there was no elevator shaft at this point, just a seemingly endless drop awaiting me if I fell out.  The elevator took this opportunity to make a career change. It now tried its very best to become a yoyo. Luckily for me, this elevator had not mastered the skill of shapeshifting and remained elevator-shaped.  Unluckily, it really knew how yoyos behave and proceeded to plummet at breakneck speed then ascend at the same speed until I thought it would surely burst through the roof, which at this point I was not even sure that a roof actually existed.  It then repeated the cycle about five more times.  Luckily enough, I didn't get slammed around or fall out.  I did have adrenaline rushing like it had put off all of its shopping until the day before Christmas and my stomach seemed to keep being left either above or below where I was.  It was at this point that I made the happy discovery of that handy dandy telephone that is in most elevators in case you get stuck.  Even more exciting was the fact that when I opened the cover of the telephone so I could use it, the cover was long enough to partially cover the scary gap at the top half of the door.  I frantically used the phone and told them that the elevator was trying to kill me.  For some reason, they didn't even attempt to help me or shut down the power or anything.  Luckily for me, I woke up soon after.

You might recall that I have OCD.  Part of OCD is sometimes having unsettling thoughts that cannot be pushed from your mind, things that you would never purposely think.  While usually these come to me in the form of a powerful urge to throw myself off of things that are really high up, such as pedestrian overpasses, which I must resist with all my might, today I had a very strange and different feeling.  For some reason, all of a sudden I was certain that I was dead, not like that I had just died or something, but that I had died a while ago and was just sticking around for some reason.  My mind was pretty adamantly telling me this, but I combatted it with my excellent logical skills.  While my brain argued to me that I really had died in real life during one of my many dreams which include my death, my logic countered with the fact that if I were dead, people would probably not be able to see me or hear me, or freak out when they did see or hear me, because I would be a ghost.  Logic overpowered OCD and I confirmed the fact that I am alive.  I do realize that I now sound more insane than I ever have, but OCD does this sort of thing and this is the best explanation I can provide for someone who has not experienced it.

You know what song is pretty awesome if you're in the mood for something calm? Acoustic Alchemy by Norwegian Recycling.

I am pretty close to my 100th blog post, which is pretty crazy and will probably not be any different than the ones I always do, but it's still a milestone and I'll probably just start out with, this is my 100th blog post and that's crazy!

I really want some sweet potato fries right now. I also want some chocolate but that is for an entirely different reason.

The movie Mean Girls 2 premieres tonight on ABC Family and if I end up watching it, which I probably will, I'll review it tomorrow.

You may now leave my mind. Please exit in an orderly fashion. The gift shop is located to the right of exit.  I hope you enjoyed your tour and hope to see you again soon.

Apples

Apples are altogether fantastic. They're crisp and juicy and delicious. The only downside is that you have to type with only one hand while eating them, like I am right now. Remember that game you used to play as a little kid where you say the alphabet while you twist the apple stem, and then when the stem breaks, that's supposed to be the first letter of the person's name who you are going to marry. Well I still play that game. I just got a B. Yesterday I got a C. This makes me think that the person I will marry has B 1/2 as the first letter of their name. Wouldn't it be weird if letters had fractions? It would be so much harder to learn how to read, and the alphabet song would be way longer. Just a random thing that my brain thought and then I shot it out of my fingertips like lightning. I say that about lightning because lately in my dreams, I have had the ability to shoot lightning out of my fingertips. Last night it was purple and the night before it was green. Last night, in my dream, I was flying and someone fired a bunch of missiles at me. Luckily, I blew them all up with my awesome lightning before they could blow me up. Speaking of apples, have you ever played Apples to Apples? It's such a fun game. I am going to play it later with some friends while drinking hot chocolate. That's all folks!

Eclectic Insanity

The corn maze was awesome! We misread their hours, but they were nice enough to let us in anyway. It was in two parts and there was a big firepit after the first part. Too bad nobody brought marshmallows. It was very dark which totally helped add to the creepiness factor. The guys in our group hiding and then jumping out screaming to scare us girls did not add to the creepiness factor. Lots of the girls screamed but not me. If I had been legitimately scared by any of them, they would have gotten their nose broken. I don't scream; I punch.  I came up with some pretty cool corn maze pranks, well actually only two, but they are awesome. I said that I'd post corn maze pictures but it was very dark, so I didn't take any pictures. At the end of the corn maze, there was a giant mud puddle and one of the girls got thrown in it, and then a mudfight happened. I would have probably joined in if I hadn't just gotten over my illness (read as still had a fever last night but my voice works now, even though I'm probably technically still sick). Oh yeah, corn maze pranks, I almost forgot. The first one is to have two people dress up as corn stalks and stand blocking a portion of the path so it looks like a dead end, but it's actually a section of path you need to go through. This would have been pretty effective because it was night, as long as the costumed people could suppress their giggles. The second prank is to only make an entrance to the maze but no exit. If there are maps with pictures of the maze, edit the pictures so it looks like there's an exit. Then enjoy yourself as everyone is so determined not to give up and just go back out the entrance. In other news, I discovered chocolate covered cookie dough last night! It is amazing!!! The only way to possibly improve it would be to have ice cream under the chocolate with the cookie dough. And the sunset last night was spectacular! It looked like rainbow sherbert.
Guess what I did today! Do you give up? I got a new hacky sack! I finished getting stuff for my Alice in Wonderland costume! I found a surprise when I came back from class! It's an award! On my door! They spelled my name wrong! But I fixed it!  By drawing a paw print! Here's a picture!

 Here's a special Halloween treat. Sorry, it isn't candy, but it is a list of the names of undead creatures, with pictures. Never incorrectly refer to everything undead as a "zombie" again! Add these to your vocabulary and impress all your friends!

According to Wikipedia, there are two types of undead things. They are living corpses and spirits.
Some different types of living corpses are: draugr, jiang shi, ghoul, mummy, skeleton, wight, zombie, revenant, vampire, and lich.
Some different types of spirits are: ghosts, spectre, and wraith.

Stuff I Think

1. There are a lot of words ending in "press". Depress, impress, suppress, oppress, compress, okay well that's five not really a lot. Well, I guess it's a lot compared to like three or four.
2. If I had been born way earlier in the history of the world, I could have come up with some pretty awesome quotes. Thats a big problem nowadays, most of the really good quotes have already been said.
3. I always feel the need to eat ice cream when it's cold. It makes no sense, but I do it anyway, and then I complain about how cold I am. I never learn my lesson though. Ice cream's just too good to resist, unless you're lactose intolerant or something.
4. I love love LOVE being able to walk. Not being able to walk for about two months made me realize how many things I take for granted. If I can walk, it's a good day. It totally put everything in perspective for me.
5. "If life gives you gators, make Gatorade." I'm not sure who said that one first, but it was not me.
6. I have some very strange thoughts sometimes.
7. I want to catch a squirrel that does not have rabies and keep it as my pet and take it for walks on a leash. I would name it Spot, and I would tell everyone that it was my dog, and that he's just really little with a very fluffy tail.
8. The coolest talent ever would be juggling three Rubik's cubes while solving them while hula hooping and riding a unicycle across a tightrope over lava, blindfolded. However, that would be extremely hard to learn without dying.