Predictions for the Year 2013

Taylor Swift will release her next album this year.  It will be opera.  It will be called "I Think This is the Only Musical Genre I Haven't Tried Yet".  It will include the hit singles "There Could Never Ever Be Anything Wrong With Me", "I Broke Up With Him Not the Other Way Around", and "Can't You See How Perfect I Am?"

The most popular hair trend will be reverse ombre hair.  For those of you who don't know, this is ombre.

If this is your photo, let me know in a

comment so I can give you proper credit

It just means that the hair is one color on top and a different color on the bottom.  This used to be called a gradient but that word just isn't cool enough anymore.  So reverse ombre will be this:

via Box No. 216

 

At first glance, you may just think this is a picture of a girl with dyed hair and grown out roots.  And You would be right.  Because that's what it is.  And this part is completely serious, this is actually already starting to be a thing.  It's just not called reverse ombre yet.  So go ahead and throw away your root touch-up hair dye because laziness is finally in!  (At least when it comes to hair dye.)

 

What are your predictions for 2013?

 

Q and A: How Can I Get My Luck Back?

So I was looking through the keywords that led people to my blog today, like I do everyday, and saw the question, "How do I get my luck back?" I thought it was my duty to answer whoever searched that, because the closest thing to that I have here is about me getting my luck back. But I didn't say how.

Disclaimer: Don't take anything I say here seriously.

Step One: Always eat Lucky Charms for breakfast, every single day. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so make sure yours is lucky!

Step Two: Carry as many good luck charms as possible with you. If you're really serious about being lucky, you can even construct a good luck suit.  Use items like four leaf clovers, right side up horseshoes, and lucky pennies. Avoid rabbit's feet because they aren't nice. All these rabbits have to hop-limp around with three or less feet because everyone is stealing their feet for luck.

Step Three: Do every lucky thing possible. Always wish on shooting stars.  And always pick up every penny you find, unless they're in the middle of a really busy intersection. That would be a risky move until you are absolutely sure that your luck is fully functioning.

Step Four: Never do anything unlucky. This means don't walk under ladders, don't let black cats cross your path, and definitely don't break any mirrors.  If you do any of these things, you will need to counteract the bad luck by doing the following. If you walk under a ladder, you will need to then climb to the top of the ladder and back down 7 times, because the number 7 is good luck.  If a black cat crosses your path you have to hop on one foot backwards past it and videotape yourself doing so and upload it to Youtube, because hopping and Youtube are both good luck.  If you break a mirror, you have to make 7 new mirrors, just like how you have to replant trees if you cut them down. Don't ask me how either. It's complicated.

Do all of those things and you should be winning all of the lotteries on a weekly basis.

Really, Hollywood?

You guys may or may not know that there is a new moving coming tomorrow to a theater near you.  This movie is called Cowboys vs. Aliens.  And all I can say is: Really, Hollywood? Have you just resorted to throwing things into hats, picking two, then having them battle one another for your movies?  I mean, we've already had Vampires vs. Werewolves, which, by the way, I have still not watched.  Who could ever forget Cats vs Dogs?!  Oh, you did?  Yeah, me too.  And then there was Monsters vs. Aliens.  I see the pattern.  We've also had Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.  And if you're having someone fight the entire world, you're clearly running out of ideas.  So Hollywood, I've decided to make your job easier and contribute some of my own ideas for your new versus movies.

Ninjas vs. Dolphins
Pirates vs. Zombies (and its sequel, Zombie Pirates vs. Dolphins (since obviously the dolphins will defeat the ninjas; ninjas can't breathe underwater and their weapons will weigh them down and they'll sink and drown)
Spies vs. Amish People
Yarn vs. Kittens
Robots vs. Demon-Possessed Snowmen
Radioactive Llamas vs. Monsters
Nyan Cat vs. The Universe
Self-Aware Pizza vs. Sasquatch

I think that's enough to keep you occupied for a few years anyway.  No need to thank me Hollywood.  Well actually, a mention in the credits would be nice.

And in Other News

Apple has already begun work on the next iPad. I guess that it must have been a huge success. So all those people who bought the first iPad will probably be wanting to upgrade. And all those smart people who knew there would be a second model and managed to wait for it can get it.  It's available starting March 11th, for only $500! But then of course you'll want to get all those fancy accessories and things. They even have leather smartcovers! Then everyone will be happy until the inevitable third model comes out.  It reminds me of this commercial.




You got the wrong TV sillyhead!

But in all seriousness, the iPad 2 (That's a stroke of naming genius right there! Or maybe the guy who was supposed to name it had a stroke : / ) has two cameras (because one camera isn't enough? The second camera is for showing someone where you are or who you are with while video chatting, because apparently it's way too hard to just turn the iPad around.), HD video recording (well it's not 3D, but still), a design that's 33% thinner and up to 15% lighter (because if it was paper thin, it might get wrinkled), the same battery life as the first iPad, and of course tons of new apps.  It also comes in black or white, so you can get whichever color your little racist heart desires, just like the new Pokemon.

So, why are you still sitting there reading my blog?! Go out and buy one already! Steve Jobs demands it!