Back to Square One

Disclaimer: This is just my opinion and if anyone from this company reads this, please don't sue me for libel.

So, word on the street (and by street, I mean Internet) is that Kirby vacuums is not a legit employer.  And it turns out that KM Distributing is a Kirby vacuums seller.  And that's where my new job is.  So much for that.  To succeed in the company, you have to be pushy and rude.  They lied to us at training.  The company knowingly hires criminals.  Some people never get paid.  Supposedly, you get $2000 a month, no matter what, but that's not true.  So I'll be looking for a new job now.  Oh, hey, Target is hiring.  At least they're legit.

Lesson learned: If something seems like it's too good to be true, it usually is.

Well Then

I had my Finnish final today. I think I did alright.  My roommate from last year was supposed to come over for dinner, but she's too full from lunch so she rescheduled to Friday.  The thing is that she was supposed to come over yesterday but she rescheduled for today. If I had known earlier, I could have gone to church with my friends tonight, but now it's too late.  And then I dropped an entire stack of papers down the teeny tiny gap next to my desk. It's like a half-inch.  So then I spent a good ten minutes trying to strategically maneuver them out with a knitting needle.  I also found a Sharpie that I lost ages ago.  I'm still missing two earrings though.  So now I need to work on my physics paper some more. Guess what, by minimum of 5 pages, my professor actually meant that we'll get marked down if we do less than 6 pages.  And did I mention that it's single spaced?! Gah. And I'm super sore from physical therapy yesterday.

I Am Very Frustrated

In case the title wasn't clear enough for you, I am very frustrated. Specifically with my neurologist. I had an appointment with him yesterday but he was out sick, so it got rescheduled for today. That is not why I am frustrated. I totally get being sick. It happens to me a whole lot more than I'd like, which is never, but I am sick most of the time. Anyway, the reason that I am frustrated is that I'm pretty sure that I figured out what's wrong with me that's making my legs paralyzed. I think it's a rare genetic condition called periodic paralysis. I printed out massive amounts of information on it for the doctor so he could see how much it corresponds to what I have and then test me for it. It's just a simple DNA test. This would be the ideal circumstances: Doctor says something about how this sounds like it's indeed periodic paralysis, tests me, yep I was right and that's what it is, tells his findings to my university, they finally help me with class stuff like getting me a notetaker since I can't get to class. Unfortunately, none of that actually happened. What ended up happening was this: I share my findings, Doctor explains how stupid I am to believe that I am at all correct, Doctor further explains why I'm wrong and backs this up with misinformed beliefs about the disease such as that it is caused by hyperthyroidism and my whole body would be paralyzed, Nurse takes vital signs, Doctor sets up appointment to observe me and test me again when I'm paralyzed, tells Receptionist that it's NOT URGENT so I get an appointment for November 22nd (Ya, sure Doctor, my legs don't work and it's really hard for me to even dress myself, but it's definitely not urgent, just take your time! Totally sarcastic, in case you didn't catch that.), blood gets drawn even though they just assume that I know I have to go downstairs to the laboratory and I sit there waiting for about 20 minutes and then they tell me after I finally ask. So that was my day. I'm going to try to find another doctor to give me a second opinion, or a first opinion really since I don't consider you-are-stupid-and-wrong-and-I-am-all-knowing an opinion. Yep, that's it, just me being frustrated. Feel free to proceed with your life.

An Open Letter to Hot Pockets, and more specifically, to Hot Pockets Packaging Designers

Okay Hot Pockets, I get it. With your cool little crisping sleeve, I can eat you on the go! Well, I understand your need to shout this at the top of your lungs, or rather write cute, some may say clever (but not me), sayings on your handy dandy crisping sleeve, but I have some problems I'd like to address.  First of all, it is possible to eat almost any food while on the go. A banana is an extremely portable food item, but it doesn't write on its peel, "Whoa, look how much cooler I am than all other foods because you can eat me on the go!" Banana doesn't feel the need to boast about its portability. Banana lets its awesomeness speak for itself. Fear not dear Hot Pocket, that is not the only issue I have with you. While we're on the topic of your insane need to scream about how wonderful you are, I would like to address the issue that you are not as wonderful as you claim. Sure I can take you on the go, but I have to let you sit for two minutes to cool off if I don't want to get a third degree burn on my hand while living my busy life.  That time doesn't even include the time it takes to cook you. If I want to eat two of you, because I'm just crazy like that and have this mad desire to actually not be starving five minutes after eating, I have to cook you for three whole minutes. Hot Pocket, as annoying as you are to try to eat while on the run, you are even more annoying in quantities exceeding one. Let me explain. When I'm on the go and getting things done, I am usually carrying things. The type of things I am carrying does not matter, so for the purposes of this discussion let's just assume that I need to carry a watermelon and a baby armadillo. Well guess what Hot Pocket, I need an entire hand to hold each one of you, so I can't carry my watermelon or my baby armadillo. Thanks to you, I cannot attend my Baby Armadillo Watermelon Enthusiasts Party. That's right, Hot Pocket, now I'm not even going anywhere. Thanks a lot! The last problem that I have with you is that at times my legs become paralyzed for no apparent reason. Since you're remarkably convenient when it comes to making breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks, I pretty much live on you during these times. Seriously, there are four boxes of you in my mini fridge even as you are reading this. You taste good and your broccoli chicken cheddar variety may even be moderately healthy. However, when I am not able to walk, it seems incredibly insensitive of you to say things like, "You can sit and eat when you're dead", and, "I have nothing against tables except that they're stuck inside all day". So Hot Pocket, while you think you're being cute and clever, you're making me feel helpless and pathetic. Thanks Hot Pocket. I really appreciate it.

-Jay

P.S. That's right Hot Pocket, you don't deserve a "Sincerely" or a "Best Regards" or even a simple "From". You don't even deserve that dash, but I gave it to you anyway, because I'm a nice person and that's the kind of thing that nice people do.