Sometimes You Just Have to Draw your Feelings



G and I broke up last night.  It was mutual.  My priorities in life aren't the same as the ones he thinks I should have.  For him, getting a degree should be the most important thing to me (after getting healthy again), even if it's in something I'm not interested in.  There are lots of other things too, but that is the only one I feel like sharing.  We dated for 15 and a half months.  We discussed getting married at some point in the future.  That's the part that's the hardest for me; whenever I pictured my future, I pictured us happily married and now that is never going to happen.  We had both been trying to ignore the fact that I'm not the girl he wants to be with.  If there was a checklist, I don't have the most important qualities on it.  I want him to be happy so I had to face the truth.  It really sucks.  This is my first real break-up ever (G and I broke up once before but that lasted for less than a day.)  This time it's for real.  We can still be friends but we'll probably hae to stop when he meets another girl.  I just won't be able to hang out with him and pretend that it doesn't bother me that someone else makes him as happy as I used to.  So I'm watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and devouring blog archives and drawing my feelings on Post-its.

My mom called when she noticed my single status on Facebook.  She said she's going to come get me and take me back home with her and my dad until I get better.  I asked her not to do that yet.  She said she doesn't want me to have to be alone on Christmas and I told her it would be even more depressing being around her delicious home-cooked food and not being able to eat any, which is true.

So on Christmas, I'll sit in my room alone with my cranberry citrus candle lit and open the Christmas gifts my dad brought me on Saturday.  I'll probably watch Buffy.  Maybe I'll try to put up my one strand of Christmas lights (these walls are really dense and very hard to put push pins in).  But I won't be with my family and I won't have Christmas dinner and I'm not looking forward to it.  I'm sad right now.  Half of the time I can keep it together and then the littlest thing turns me into a pile of snot and tears.  I won't post when I'm feeling the worst because I don't want people to be depressed by my posts.  I have a book review planned.  Spoiler alert: It's a really great book and I loved it.