None of these pictures are my own work. I just like them, and I have linked them all to their sources. Enjoy them and be inspired.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Picture Pile 1: Baby It's Cold Outside
First off, I'd like to welcome my 24th follower, Baz from The Tragic Whale. You should really go check out this girl's blog and then follow it. She's hilarious with plenty of tragic whale stories and fashion advice from mom stories. She's also really good at sewing awesome stuff.
None of these pictures are my own work. I just like them, and I have linked them all to their sources. Enjoy them and be inspired.
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None of these pictures are my own work. I just like them, and I have linked them all to their sources. Enjoy them and be inspired.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?
Disclaimer: This post is extremely personal and was hard for me to write. Please do not judge me. If you've never been depressed, you don't understand how hard it is.
Throughout my life I have always had different answers for this question. When I was in elementary school, it went from an astronaut to an archaeologist to a paleontologist (I was a geeky kid I say 'was' like I'm not geeky anymore, but I definitely still am).
I don't remember what I wanted to be when I was in middle school, but when I was in high school, I finally thought of the perfect job. I would be a librarian. I have loved reading ever since I was 4 years old. Books were a higher priority than a social life ever was. (I still don't have much of a social life.) I could get paid for doing something I enjoyed. Overly ambitious, I planned out a future in which I had a master's degree in library science.
My mind was made up until I went to college. Part of it was the realization that libraries and books are becoming taken over by technology. Part of it was the realization that I would be bored as a librarian. So then it occurred to me. I could do the other thing I love. Art. In my mind this new plan manifested itself and my mind was made up that I would become a graphic designer.
The Universe had other plans. I couldn't get into any art classes until the last quarter of my freshman year, but that was okay. It was the one course I was required to take before I could take the entrance exam for the graphic design program. I was really sick throughout that quarter, as I get from time to time. I received something like a 2.6 for my grade in the class because of all the class I missed. Fast forward to the entrance exam. The exam consisted of three distinct projects and lasted all day. The problem was that the exam was tailored toward people who are good at 3D design, 2/3 projects were 3D. I am strictly a 2D designer. And to make matters worse, one portion of one of the 3D projects involved imagining a bike rental system and sketching out plans. I cannot draw a bike to save my life. But I did my very best and I thought that I had nailed the other 2 projects. One was designing a logo for Doctors without Borders and I can't remember what the other was. I didn't get my results for 2 or 3 months after, and when I finally did, it came as a simple email telling me not much more than I didn't get in. The odds were never in my favor. Only 20 out of 200 people who take the exam get accepted into the 2D design program. But I had my heart set on getting in.
It was the first time I had ever really failed at anything. And I hate to admit it, but I did not take it well at all. I had been on Prozac for depression ever since my junior year of high school. I had just reached the point where I was smiling and laughing again on a regular basis, and then the rug got pulled out from under me. All of my plans fell apart all at once and I didn't know how to handle it. At the same time, my mother had stopped taking her anxiety medication and everything I did rubbed her the wrong way. I felt like I couldn't do anything right at all and I would never succeed at anything. My mom left to get groceries for a while, and at the time the only grocery store around was a 20 minute drive away. After she left, I got to thinking about everything. I started overthinking and focusing on all the negative and before I knew it, I thought about how easy it would be to just go in the kitchen, grab a sharp knife from the silverware drawer, stab myself in the chest, and just end it all. Thankfully I wasn't ready to kill myself but I went into my room and laid down on my bed and shut the door. I didn't let myself get up off the bed, because I didn't want my mom, dad, and brother to have to deal with having me commit suicide. My brother had moved out of the house when I started college, so I was the only one home. I just laid down on my bed and cried my eyes out. My cell phone rang. Nobody ever called me. My mom had got me the cell phone before I left for college so I could keep in touch. I looked to see who was calling and it was my brother. He had never called me before. I picked it up and said hello and it was impossible to hide the fact that I was crying. He asked me what was wrong and I told him everything, even the part about how I wanted to kill myself. He had been depressed before so he was empathetic. He told me everything I needed to hear and made me promise him that I wouldn't do anything stupid. He drove to my house from Stevenson, and by the time he got there, my mom had gotten home from grocery shopping. She found me crying on my bed and asked me what was wrong. I told her everything and then she apologized for flying off the handle so much. She told me she had stopped taking her medication, which I didn't know before that, and that she didn't realize she was getting angry at me so easily. She went back on her medication, on a half dose. My brother took me to his house and we played video games and watched scary movies. He told me that any time mom and I were butting heads, I could call him and he would get me and we would hang out.
My mom and I started to get along much better and I stopped feeling like I was a complete failure. My brother and I became best friends and we hung out a lot that summer. One time, we went to Portland, Oregon and just walked around all day. We went to Powell's Bookstore, Rocky's Pizza, and Voodoo Donuts. It was so much fun. He took me to see at least one movie every month. He always picked them and I always thought they didn't sound very interesting but went anyway, and I always loved them. My favorite was Fast and The Furious. It wasn't the first one in the series; it was like the fourth or something. After I went back to college, he and his girlfriend moved to an apartment in Portland, Oregon. We didn't talk as often anymore but every once in a while, he would call me and talk for about an hour about everything going on in his life, and I would share the few things happening in mine. This month, my best friend, my brother is graduating from Marines Boot Camp. I couldn't be more proud of him. He is an inspiration and I really hope that I can go home for the holidays and see him before he gets sent off for the Marines.
I don't know if I'll ever become a graphic designer, and I'm okay with that. So now if you ask me what I want to be, I'll answer that I want to be happy and successful.
Throughout my life I have always had different answers for this question. When I was in elementary school, it went from an astronaut to an archaeologist to a paleontologist (I was a geeky kid I say 'was' like I'm not geeky anymore, but I definitely still am).
I don't remember what I wanted to be when I was in middle school, but when I was in high school, I finally thought of the perfect job. I would be a librarian. I have loved reading ever since I was 4 years old. Books were a higher priority than a social life ever was. (I still don't have much of a social life.) I could get paid for doing something I enjoyed. Overly ambitious, I planned out a future in which I had a master's degree in library science.
My mind was made up until I went to college. Part of it was the realization that libraries and books are becoming taken over by technology. Part of it was the realization that I would be bored as a librarian. So then it occurred to me. I could do the other thing I love. Art. In my mind this new plan manifested itself and my mind was made up that I would become a graphic designer.
The Universe had other plans. I couldn't get into any art classes until the last quarter of my freshman year, but that was okay. It was the one course I was required to take before I could take the entrance exam for the graphic design program. I was really sick throughout that quarter, as I get from time to time. I received something like a 2.6 for my grade in the class because of all the class I missed. Fast forward to the entrance exam. The exam consisted of three distinct projects and lasted all day. The problem was that the exam was tailored toward people who are good at 3D design, 2/3 projects were 3D. I am strictly a 2D designer. And to make matters worse, one portion of one of the 3D projects involved imagining a bike rental system and sketching out plans. I cannot draw a bike to save my life. But I did my very best and I thought that I had nailed the other 2 projects. One was designing a logo for Doctors without Borders and I can't remember what the other was. I didn't get my results for 2 or 3 months after, and when I finally did, it came as a simple email telling me not much more than I didn't get in. The odds were never in my favor. Only 20 out of 200 people who take the exam get accepted into the 2D design program. But I had my heart set on getting in.
It was the first time I had ever really failed at anything. And I hate to admit it, but I did not take it well at all. I had been on Prozac for depression ever since my junior year of high school. I had just reached the point where I was smiling and laughing again on a regular basis, and then the rug got pulled out from under me. All of my plans fell apart all at once and I didn't know how to handle it. At the same time, my mother had stopped taking her anxiety medication and everything I did rubbed her the wrong way. I felt like I couldn't do anything right at all and I would never succeed at anything. My mom left to get groceries for a while, and at the time the only grocery store around was a 20 minute drive away. After she left, I got to thinking about everything. I started overthinking and focusing on all the negative and before I knew it, I thought about how easy it would be to just go in the kitchen, grab a sharp knife from the silverware drawer, stab myself in the chest, and just end it all. Thankfully I wasn't ready to kill myself but I went into my room and laid down on my bed and shut the door. I didn't let myself get up off the bed, because I didn't want my mom, dad, and brother to have to deal with having me commit suicide. My brother had moved out of the house when I started college, so I was the only one home. I just laid down on my bed and cried my eyes out. My cell phone rang. Nobody ever called me. My mom had got me the cell phone before I left for college so I could keep in touch. I looked to see who was calling and it was my brother. He had never called me before. I picked it up and said hello and it was impossible to hide the fact that I was crying. He asked me what was wrong and I told him everything, even the part about how I wanted to kill myself. He had been depressed before so he was empathetic. He told me everything I needed to hear and made me promise him that I wouldn't do anything stupid. He drove to my house from Stevenson, and by the time he got there, my mom had gotten home from grocery shopping. She found me crying on my bed and asked me what was wrong. I told her everything and then she apologized for flying off the handle so much. She told me she had stopped taking her medication, which I didn't know before that, and that she didn't realize she was getting angry at me so easily. She went back on her medication, on a half dose. My brother took me to his house and we played video games and watched scary movies. He told me that any time mom and I were butting heads, I could call him and he would get me and we would hang out.
My mom and I started to get along much better and I stopped feeling like I was a complete failure. My brother and I became best friends and we hung out a lot that summer. One time, we went to Portland, Oregon and just walked around all day. We went to Powell's Bookstore, Rocky's Pizza, and Voodoo Donuts. It was so much fun. He took me to see at least one movie every month. He always picked them and I always thought they didn't sound very interesting but went anyway, and I always loved them. My favorite was Fast and The Furious. It wasn't the first one in the series; it was like the fourth or something. After I went back to college, he and his girlfriend moved to an apartment in Portland, Oregon. We didn't talk as often anymore but every once in a while, he would call me and talk for about an hour about everything going on in his life, and I would share the few things happening in mine. This month, my best friend, my brother is graduating from Marines Boot Camp. I couldn't be more proud of him. He is an inspiration and I really hope that I can go home for the holidays and see him before he gets sent off for the Marines.
I don't know if I'll ever become a graphic designer, and I'm okay with that. So now if you ask me what I want to be, I'll answer that I want to be happy and successful.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Dealing with Mean Girls-Part One
When I was in elementary school, I was friends with every single person in my class of slightly more than 20 children. I had two friends who I thought of as my best friends, Hannah and Josh. I wasn't a very social child and I never went over to my friends' houses. But we played together at recess and we sat next to one another in class. When I was in 5th grade, I started helping the librarian during lunch time instead of going out and playing with the other children. I'm not sure why I did this, because one of my fondest memories of elementary school is playing soccer at recess against older kids and always kicking their butts (figuratively, of course.) I was really good at soccer and liked to play it every chance I could get. But anyway, the fact is that in 5th grade, I helped out in the library instead of playing. One other girl helped in the library. Her name was Shelby. We became friends. It is important to note that earlier in the year Hannah and I had promised one another that we would be locker buddies once we started middle school. In my school, 6th grade was still in elementary school and middle school started in 7th grade. So we were planning pretty far ahead. Josh got held back in 5th grade, back in the days before "No Child Left Behind". Near the end of 6th grade, Shelby asked if I wanted to be her locker buddy once we started middle school. I told her that I had already promised Hannah, but I would be her locker buddy in 8th grade, if she still wanted me to. So that was settled, no hard feelings.
7th grade began and Hannah and I were locker buddies. Life was great for a little bit. It is important for you to realize that my middle school combined two different elementary schools. So when 7th grade started, we were going to school with 20 other kids we had never met, besides the 8th graders. Hannah was really cool until a little bit into our 7th grade school year. She had been my best friend, so obviously I liked her. Like me, she was the only girl in her family. She had three brothers and I had two. Being the only girl in a family of brothers caused us both to be tomboys. I liked playing sports and she liked catching snakes. But in 7th grade everything changed, for her anyway. She befriended a bunch of kids from the other elementary school that had joined ours. Before I knew it she was wearing makeup and going to dances. In elementary school she snuck tee shirts and jeans under her clothes whenever her mother made her wear a dress to school and she would take off the dress when she got to school. In middle school, she started wearing dresses voluntarily. All of a sudden, I wasn't cool enough to hang out with anymore. That was really tough for me, but my mom explained that in middle school, cliques start developing and girls get "catty". But I made some new friends. Brooke, Mariah, and Bethany were the outcasts and I didn't exactly fit in with them perfectly, but they accepted me anyway. After Hannah left my locker to go share a locker with her her new best friend, Shelby left her locker for mine. We didn't hang out much anymore, but she felt bad for me. All was well until 8th grade. Shelby and I shared a locker again. I had the lower shelf, because I was too short to reach the top shelf. I bought a magnetic mirror for our locker and I kept it at the height that I could see in it, not that I cared about my appearance. It was just cool to have a mirror. Some new friends joined my old group of friends: Jake, Palmer, Levi (who turned out to be pretty much psycho, but dated Bethany for a while), Ashlea (who is my brother's girlfriend's roommate now, but moved to Alaska for high school), and Nicolle. Nicolle was really cool because she wore guy clothes all the time and didn't care what the "popular" kids said about her. That year everything was going great until one day Shelby just blew up on me for no reason. The last comment she made when she was moving all her stuff out of our locker was, "I'll put the mirror down on your level" and she moved the mirror to the very bottom of the door where it was almost touching the floor. That really hurt. I didn't do anything at all to deserve it. To make matters worse, my grandpa had recently died of stomach cancer and I was having trouble dealing with it, which she knew. My depression started when I was in 8th grade, although I wasn't diagnosed and medicated until my junior year of high school. I made another friend in 8th grade. Her name was Amanda and she was really quiet. The band teacher had me teach her how to play the flute, and I did. She kept playing in the band through high school and she was really good. She was the first friend I hung out with at her house. She's engaged now and getting married next September! She has been my best female friend and never turned on me like the others I had back then.
Part 2 next week: the later years, high school and college experiences with two-faced females
7th grade began and Hannah and I were locker buddies. Life was great for a little bit. It is important for you to realize that my middle school combined two different elementary schools. So when 7th grade started, we were going to school with 20 other kids we had never met, besides the 8th graders. Hannah was really cool until a little bit into our 7th grade school year. She had been my best friend, so obviously I liked her. Like me, she was the only girl in her family. She had three brothers and I had two. Being the only girl in a family of brothers caused us both to be tomboys. I liked playing sports and she liked catching snakes. But in 7th grade everything changed, for her anyway. She befriended a bunch of kids from the other elementary school that had joined ours. Before I knew it she was wearing makeup and going to dances. In elementary school she snuck tee shirts and jeans under her clothes whenever her mother made her wear a dress to school and she would take off the dress when she got to school. In middle school, she started wearing dresses voluntarily. All of a sudden, I wasn't cool enough to hang out with anymore. That was really tough for me, but my mom explained that in middle school, cliques start developing and girls get "catty". But I made some new friends. Brooke, Mariah, and Bethany were the outcasts and I didn't exactly fit in with them perfectly, but they accepted me anyway. After Hannah left my locker to go share a locker with her her new best friend, Shelby left her locker for mine. We didn't hang out much anymore, but she felt bad for me. All was well until 8th grade. Shelby and I shared a locker again. I had the lower shelf, because I was too short to reach the top shelf. I bought a magnetic mirror for our locker and I kept it at the height that I could see in it, not that I cared about my appearance. It was just cool to have a mirror. Some new friends joined my old group of friends: Jake, Palmer, Levi (who turned out to be pretty much psycho, but dated Bethany for a while), Ashlea (who is my brother's girlfriend's roommate now, but moved to Alaska for high school), and Nicolle. Nicolle was really cool because she wore guy clothes all the time and didn't care what the "popular" kids said about her. That year everything was going great until one day Shelby just blew up on me for no reason. The last comment she made when she was moving all her stuff out of our locker was, "I'll put the mirror down on your level" and she moved the mirror to the very bottom of the door where it was almost touching the floor. That really hurt. I didn't do anything at all to deserve it. To make matters worse, my grandpa had recently died of stomach cancer and I was having trouble dealing with it, which she knew. My depression started when I was in 8th grade, although I wasn't diagnosed and medicated until my junior year of high school. I made another friend in 8th grade. Her name was Amanda and she was really quiet. The band teacher had me teach her how to play the flute, and I did. She kept playing in the band through high school and she was really good. She was the first friend I hung out with at her house. She's engaged now and getting married next September! She has been my best female friend and never turned on me like the others I had back then.
Part 2 next week: the later years, high school and college experiences with two-faced females
5
of you tumbled down the rabbit hole
categorized as:
cliques,
middle school drama
Sharing is Caring
categorized as:
cliques,
middle school drama
Sharing is Caring
Today's First Post
Two posts today. The tale of betrayaal will be posted later today. I got a 23rd follower. I think she makes adult films. Her Google Friend Connect profile links to a porn site. Welcome anyway to Bangla Choti.
My giveaway is now closed. The winners are: everyone who entered! Since there were only three entries and four prizes, one person wins two prizes! I used a random number generator and the winners are:
1. First place, winner of two prizes: lalalalauren!
2. Second place, winner of one prize: the Tsaritsa!
3. Third place, winner of one prize: thinkellen!
Thanks to you three for entering and I'll send you all emails right now to let you know you've won and so you can choose your prize(s).
This was my first giveaway ever and it wasn't the best since the prizes are all things I already had and didn't use. But since I started the giveaway, I discovered this website which connects companies with bloggers to do giveaways or product reviews or both. My next giveaway will be through that website and it will be in February. If it works out smoothly, I plan to start doing at least one giveaway every other month, so you can all look forward to that. But I will do giveaways more often if anyone is interested in sponsoring them. More information about that can be found here.
Once again, thank you to everyone who entered, and stay tuned for more giveaways in the future.
My giveaway is now closed. The winners are: everyone who entered! Since there were only three entries and four prizes, one person wins two prizes! I used a random number generator and the winners are:
1. First place, winner of two prizes: lalalalauren!
2. Second place, winner of one prize: the Tsaritsa!
3. Third place, winner of one prize: thinkellen!
Thanks to you three for entering and I'll send you all emails right now to let you know you've won and so you can choose your prize(s).
This was my first giveaway ever and it wasn't the best since the prizes are all things I already had and didn't use. But since I started the giveaway, I discovered this website which connects companies with bloggers to do giveaways or product reviews or both. My next giveaway will be through that website and it will be in February. If it works out smoothly, I plan to start doing at least one giveaway every other month, so you can all look forward to that. But I will do giveaways more often if anyone is interested in sponsoring them. More information about that can be found here.
Once again, thank you to everyone who entered, and stay tuned for more giveaways in the future.
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